BREAKING: hyhypt News Lead heady ihyhyhyhyhyhyhyhyhyy

This is Total Essex: hyhypt News Lead heady ihyhyhyhyhyhyhyhyhyy

Hgggammffftamffff!

Hairdressing dullness

Coventry Telegraph: A short history of hair fashion in Coventry

Spotter's Badge: Gary

Swan dullness

This is Hull and East Riding: Swan causes road delays

Spotter's Badge: L0wey

Kiwi fruit dullness

Watford Observer: Talk on kiwi fruit

Not even disguising it as the Chinese Gooseberry can cover up the dullness.

Spotter's Badge: TRT

Town crier dullness

Maidenhead Advertiser: Appointment of new town crier delayed

...until Hell freezes over, one hopes.

Road CHAOS dullness

Wokingham Times: Lorry takes wrong turn
 
CHAOS!

Ugly bin bag dullness

Bath Chronicle: Ugly bin bags
 
Spotter's Badge: Bill

New meeting place for THE KIDS dullness

Brighouse Echo: Police fund new benches as meeting point for THE KIDS

Note lack of THE KIDS, who are busy stealing the hubcaps off the photographer's car

Spotter's Badge: Ross

Double graffiti dullness

Henley Standard: Graffiti daubed on wall

My God. TWICE.

Library reopening dullness

This is Bristol: Library reopens

Now available: Books

Spotter's Badge: Louise

Stolen bike dullness

Norwich Advertiser: Bike stolen

Spotter's Badge: Dave

Model railway signage dullness

Spenborough Guardian: Model railway club gets new sign

Picture actual size, by the way.

Spotter's Badge: Paul

Testing testing 1-2-3 dullness

Watford Observer: Councillors buy microphone

Spotter's Badge: TRT

Balloon dullness

This is Total Essex: Children find balloon

"That's not dull," I've been told, "It's heartwarming".

Yes. Heartwarming and dull.

Salad dullness

Yorkshire Evening Post: Caterpillar found in salad

Good grief - things that eat salad found on salad? I remember when you expected a few creepy crawlies in your greens and argh I'm turning into my dad.

Spotter's Badge: Paul

Beauty salon dullness

This is Total Essex: Waxing bar to open in Essex


The Essex economy has reached the stage where the only shops opening ARE Waxing bars.

Train dullness

East Anglia Daily Times: 07:43 train running 12 minutes late
 
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

Traffic scheme dullness

Hinckley Times: Six new parking spaces unveiled

Spotter's Badge: Betty

Footballer goes to the cinema dullness

Watford Observer: Local newspaper shocked to learn that celebrities have a private life

Spotter's Badge: TRT

Scooter fire dullness

Plymouth Herald: Scooter catches fire

Crime prevention dullness

Morley Observer: Detective Inspector Obvious reminds people to lock their front doors

Annual General Meeting of Alnwick Embroiderers' Guild dullness

Northumberland Gazette: Vivien Boulton stands down as chairman of Alnwick Embroiderers' Guild after three years at the top

I expect she should. Chairmanning doesn't really leave much time for embroidering

Jimmy Savile Dullness

Runcorn and Widnes Weekly News: No Jimmy Savile victims in Runcorn and Widnes

Spotter's Badge: Jude

Nothing at all happening in Bristol dullness

This is Bristol: Nothing at all happening in Bristol

I repeat: Nothing at all happening in Bristol

Wait...hang on... something coming in... No, nothing

Spotter's Badge: Dave, Louise

New machine dullness

Henley Standard: Council buys new equipment to replace similar but worn out equipment

Good move by the council - the Killing Plebs attachment really wears down the gears

So dull they couldn't think of a headline dullness

Henley Standard: 18pt headline

Wardrobe dullness

Cumberland and Westmorland Herald: Long wait for wardrobe

But wait...

Cumberland and Westmorland Herald: Wardrobe arrives

Electrical appliance dullness

Hemel Today: Toast fire

Wrong sign dullness

Luton on Sunday: Sign slightly upside-down

Train timetable dullness

Luton Today: Train to leave two minutes earlier as autumn timetable launched
 
The article gives no indication as to where these trains actually go, fitting as The Beatles' Magical Mystery Tour celebrates its anniversary

Car dashboard dullness

This is Devon: Woman's hand stuck

No fire at all dullness

Wokingham Times: Fire crews attend fire, but find it is not a fire

Hell's Teeth. How does this society even function with this drama going on?

Potato dullness

Bournemouth Echo: Does potato look like a sea lion?

No.

Spotter's Badge: Andy, Everybody

Parish council dullness

Northumberland Gazette: Wrong bollards, and other dull issues

It's chaos up there. CHAOS.

Small furry creature dullness

Halifax Courier: Hamster cage catches fire

Bus stop bench dullness

Basingstoke Gazette: Bus stop gets new bench

And they say nothing ever happens in Basingstoke

Lamp post reign of terror dullness

Northants Telegraph: Lamp post vandalised

It'll buff out

Spotter's Badge: Victor

Estate agent dullness

Henley Standard: Estate agent updates website

It's Henley, so all they've done is add a big sign saying "NO PLEBS"

Timperley INFERNO dullness

Timperley Messenger: Saucepan fire in Timperley

 

Poor, dead Frank Sidebottom would be turning in his grave

 

Spotter's Badge: Simon

Council accounting dullness

Coventry Telegraph: Council gets thumbs up for its accounting processes

Proceseszzzzzzzzzzz....

Spotter's Badge: Rob

Sponsored walk weirdness

Henley Standard: Sponsored walk raises £20,000 for charity  

Can somebody tell me what in the name of Satan's sandpapered testicles is going on in this picture?

Man doesn't turn up dullness

Via Walden Local

Spotter's Badge: Jack

Dull press releases disguised as news dullness

This is Total Essex: Restaurant claims to be quite good

This is Total Essex: Landlord claims business units are quite good

This is Total Essex: Cosmetics company claims cosmetics are quite good

Let's hear it for news, everybody!

Graffiti dullness

Louth Leader: Rude word spray-painted on fence
 
But what the buggery did it say?

I mean, this is how they should have reported it: Poetic beauty from the Boston Standard

Outhouse fire dullness

Dorset Echo: Outhouse destroyed in blaze

HOT SHIT!

Bus shelter plans dullness

Northumberland Gazette: Plans for bus shelter move forward

Spotter's Badge: I HAVE NO IDEA

Dull news: BOY STUCK IN RAILINGS KLAXON

Norwich Evening News: Boy gets head stuck in railings

In case you were worried: The railings suffered only minor damage

Spotter's Badge: Dave

Bell-ringing dullness

Halifax Courier: Man writes book on the history of hand-bell ringing

“This is the first definitive book on handbell ringing. It had to be published.”

Company celebrates anniversary dullness

Brighouse Echo: Award for forward thinking company

Teetering on the edge of dullness. At least they don't make and distribute cardboard boxes

Spotter's Badge: Ross

Dull news saved from being dull by brilliant photoshop job

Wandsworth Guardian: One Direction singer attacked by squirrel

Take a bow, the Wandsworth Guardian

Found photo dullness

Rugby Advertiser: Reader sparks NATIONWIDE MANHUNT after finding old photo

Spotter's Badge: Rob

Trapped hand dullness

Yeovil Express: Girl gets hand stuck

Fell asleep on the toilet dullness

Reading Chronicle: Woman rescued after falling asleep in department store toilets

If this happens to you, call the emergency services on 999. That number again: 999

Post Office lost keys dullness

Bridgwater Mercury: Small queue build up as staff accidentally lock themselves out of Post Office cabin

By the look of the place, couldn't they just lift up a corner and crawl in?

Press release disguised as news dullness, again

Canterbury Times: Estate agent believes autumn is a good time to sell your home. Also: Spring, winter and summer. God, please, let us sell your home. Please.

BREAKING DULLNESS

TheJournal.ie: IT IS NOT RAINING IN IRELAND

Yes, I know The Journal is a national title, but THIS IS IMPORTANT

Escaped cow dullness

Farnborough News and Mail: Bull escapes from abattoir

This one's got a happy ending: They caught and killed it!

Trapped in lift dullness

Bracknell Forest Standard: Woman trapped in lift

And not the first time on these pages that the Bracknell fire service have arrived too late to assist in life-or-death situations 

Sale of the Century dullness

Bracknell Forest Standard: Set your diaries for newly-new baby gear sale

Get there early and bag your nearly-new baby

Bin dullness

Scarborough News: Bin collections to start earlier

Spotter's Badge: Jed

Damaged car dullness

Bridlington Free Press: Car slightly damaged

Spotter's Badge: Jed

Art prize dullness

Wokingham Times: Picture wins prize
 
With no picture of prize-winning picture

Tomato that looks like a face dullness

Boston Standard: Unusual tomato

The Mayans were right. We ARE doomed.

Buisness procurement dullness

Harlow Star: Shredding company buys new shredder

Spotter's Badge: Laura

McDonald's Dullness

Saffron Walden Reporter: Saffron Walden to remain only town in the world without a McDonald's

Spotter's Badge: Jack

Walking club dullness

Driffield Today: Power walking club seeks new members

That's power walking. If you're into normal walking, tough shit.

Farming dullness

Ongar Gazette: Ploughing match in Ongar

Not only dull, but gives our chief sexist writer the chance to say "I'd plough her furrow"

Spotter's Badge: Barry

Sheep dullness

Lancashire Telegraph: Sheep falls into canal

Spotter's Badge: Jason