Monday 31 December 2012

Toilet gas dullness

Bracknell Forest Standard: Man in toilet cleaning mishap
This probably isn't dull at all. Also, not funny either*
*Yes. It is very funny

Wednesday 26 December 2012

Sunday 23 December 2012

Saturday 22 December 2012

Started off quite interesting, but ended up predictably dull dullness

Hunts Post: Film maker to have programme aired on TV

...which is very exciting until you get to paragraph three, when it's revealed that it'll be going out on The Community Channel. Who'd probably show a film of me riding my washing basket down the stairs if I sent it in.

Oh, and it's going out at 7pm on Saturday night, up against Strictly Come Dancing.
Spotter's Badge: James

Chicken does a very small egg dullness

Reading Post: Man finds very small egg

Wednesday 19 December 2012

Sunday 16 December 2012

Squirrel on the loose celebrity dullness

Wokingham Times: Squirrel gets into shop
Glad to hear that shop manager Sharon Stone cracked out some nuts and appealed to the animal's - oh-ho! - Basic Instinct

Dull local council dullness

Hemel Today: Council leader has moment of clarity and realises he's wasted ten years of his life
Not a dull story per se, but a story about one man's struggle against dullness
(And if there are any Monster Raving Loony Members in the area, now is as good as time as any to apply for the vacant seat)

Thursday 13 December 2012

Hyhyhy dullness

Hartlepool Mail: hyhyhy

Hartlepool Mail: hyhyhy

And for fans of brevity:

Hartlepool Mail: hyhy


Wednesday 12 December 2012

Church drop-in centre dullness

Reading Post: Church Drop-in Centre holds meeting
This is important news if you are a member of the Churches in Reading Drop-In Centre. If you are not, then you have NO IDEA WHERE IT IS

Stuck ring dullness

Bracknell Forest Standard: Ring gets stuck
In summary: Ring is no longer stuck

Tuesday 11 December 2012

Unknown actress buys a carpet dullness

 South Wales Evening Post: Panto star buys carpet for her birthday

That's Viv Date Carpets, for all your carpet and flooring needs in South Wales.

Spotter's Badge: Gwyddno

DULL NEWS GOLD: Boots chemist dullness

Mid Sussex Times: Boots customers slightly inconvenienced by late opening
An oldie from earlier this year, and one of the reasons I started this site in the first place
(I looked on Google Streetview at the time and found at least three chemist shops within walking distance)
Spotter's Badge: Ben

Slight road delays dullness

Shropshire Star: Road partially blocked for thirty minutes as car's clutch catches fire

Don't know how much traffic that equates to in Shropshire, but I would assume that a couple of tractors got held up

Spotter's Badge: Dwayne

Friday 7 December 2012

Driving Test dullness

Eastbourne Herald: Man passes driving test
That's nothing. I passed mine YEARS ago, and I understand several people have achieved this feat since.

Wednesday 5 December 2012

One born every minute dullness

Cambridge News: Two men get computer virus

Honestly, the internet went right downhill the minute they stopped the entrance exam

Spotter's Badge: James

Tuesday 4 December 2012

Trapped in a lift dullness

This is Somerset: Firefighters use 'small tools' to relase pair trapped in lift
As I've always said. It's not the size..


Hunts Post: Lifts to be fixed next year

Is that morning or afternoon?

Spotter's Badge: James

Monday 3 December 2012

Pound shop theft dullness

Lancashire Evening Post: Thief steals item worth £1 from pound store (last paragraph)

Remember: Serious crimes like this are rare. If you have been affected by this story, call your mum and she'll tell you to pull yourself together.

Don't have nightmares.

Spotter's Badge: Comedy's Al Murray

Solar-powered robotic boat weirdness

Maidenhead Advertiser: Man's bid to sail solar-powered robotic boat to the Bahamas misses by 4,300 miles

And yes, that's the actual boat.

Stolen celebrity scarf dullness

Peterborough Telegraph: Stephen Fry's football scarf stolen
Happy ending: They found the thief, who went down all guns blazing
Spotter's Badge: Stephen Fry

Saturday 1 December 2012

Apostrophe catastrophe dullness

Driffield Today: Shop celebrates 15 years of trading

I'm calling you out, Driffield Today. Your site is a car-crash of apostrophe abuse, and the first sentence of this item is a shocker. Sort it out.

I take no joy from this. Even if local journalism is struggling, there is no excuse for low standards.

Earlier train dullness

 Henley Standard: Last train to Henley now 18 minutes earlier

Good Lord, how will they cope?

Wednesday 28 November 2012

Large puddle just outside the Basingstoke Gazette editorial offices dullness

Basingstoke Gazette: Large puddle outside Basingstoke Gazette offices

Followed up with the stunning...

Basingstoke Gazette: Large puddle still outside Basingstoke Gazette offices

Send food, money to these poor devils. 

Update! I am told that the editor was on the Anne Diamond show on BBC Berkshire this morning, talking about the Great Puddle of Basingstoke. Mind. Boggles.

Sunday 25 November 2012

Saturday 24 November 2012

Apostrophe dullness

This is South Wales: Actual headline - '

And the apostrophe was the highlight, I can tell you for nothing.

Spotter's Badge: Paul