Thursday 31 December 2015

Stuck up a tree dullness

Salisbury Journal: Man won't come down from tree

They've fenced him off and left him there.

Spotter's Badge: Shock and Laur

Wednesday 30 December 2015

Storm Frank dullness

Plymouth Herald: Storm Frank causes chaos* in Plymouth

*Blows wendy house over

Lighting a candle for the poor people of Plymouth in their hour of need.

Spotter's Badge: Marjorie

Ricky Gervais dullness

Watford Observer: Ricky Gervais spotted in Watford

Watford, eh? Slough not good enough for him?

Spotter's Badge: TRT

Tuesday 29 December 2015

Damaged bench dullness

Derbyshire Times: 'CRIME' stock graphic wheeled out as bench damaged in Chesterfield

That's saying "Yeah, it's a story, but not worth sending someone out with a camera"

Spotter's Badge: Kerry

Sunday 27 December 2015

Saturday 26 December 2015

Determined rail enthusiast dullness

Bolton News: Man gets up stupidly early so he can be the first paying passenger through new tunnel

...all described in eye-watering detail, right down to the completely nonplussed reaction of the driver. A masterpiece of dull news.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Friday 25 December 2015

Disabled parking bays dullness

Henley Standard: Henley could get two new disabled parking bays

What the hell are you doing here? Christmas so dull that you're looking at dull news? I scheduled this post over a week ago, and am now face down in my own vomit.

Happy Christmas.

Thursday 24 December 2015

Selfie dullness

Lancashire Telegraph: Man takes 200 selfies a week

TIP: Try facing the camera the other way.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Wednesday 23 December 2015

Tuesday 22 December 2015

Dull bread dullness

Hackney Gazette: Bread has an image problem, bread conference hears

If only One Direction would eat bread, them bread's problems will be solved. Bread.

Spotter's Badge: Kevin

Sunday 20 December 2015

Stuck lorry dullness

Salisbury Journal: Lorry stuck under low bridge

This story contains the dullest ten seconds of news video you are ever likely to see in your life.

Spotter's Badge: Shock and Laur

Thursday 17 December 2015

Wednesday 16 December 2015

Struggling with basic human concepts dullness

Dear the Derby Telegraph, Why oh why oh why are women taking over everywhere?

Quite easily the dullest - and strangest - letter I've seen published by a local newspaper for quite some time.

Here's the whole thing, in case it disappears from the internet:

"I notice that more and more in life, and in fiction, there seem to be more women in the church taking the place of the vicar. 

This is also happening on allotments, with more women taking on allotments than men. Why? I do not have the answer."

Deep stuff.

Tuesday 15 December 2015

Coffee and milkshakes dullness

Northampton Chronicle: Restaurant now serving coffee and milkshakes

"We are trying to do drinks that you can’t get elsewhere in Kettering" 


Spotter's Badge: Mike

Monday 14 December 2015

Sunday 13 December 2015

Narrow boat dullness

Worcester News: Narrow boat runs amok in Worcester

This is what Speed would have looked like if filmed in the English Midlands.

Spotter's Badge: Tim

Saturday 12 December 2015

Stuck on lamp post dullness

South Wales Argus: Man gets legs stuck on lamp post

While I can only congratulate the extra mile gone to track down the exact lamp post on Street View, this story lacks a vital ingredient: How the **** did he get stuck in the first place?

Friday 11 December 2015

Chess dullness

Worcester News: School holds chess congress

As a veteran of several school chess congresses, I can confirm that this is about as dull as news gets.

Thursday 10 December 2015

Arm stuck in letterbox dullness

Bournemouth Echo: Man gets arm stuck in letterbox

Photo is handily captioned "File image", just in case readers thought that might be the actual letterbox in question.

Tuesday 8 December 2015

Pizza restaurant dullness

Stoke Sentinel: Pizza Express to open in Stoke on Trent

This news is so important, even the local MP is excited.

Monday 7 December 2015

Renegade 'For Sale' sign dullness

Clitheroe Advertisers: Fire fighters called to deal with 'dangerous' For Sale sign

It's a joke I often use on these pages, but I'm told by our spotter this genuinely IS the most exciting thing ever to have happened in Clitheroe since the shock when discovered the world "clit" in their name.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Saturday 5 December 2015

Shoddy road markings dullness

Aldershot News and Mail: Just look at the state of that

This counts as interesting in Aldershot, there are crowds there RIGHT NOW.

Thursday 3 December 2015

Wednesday 2 December 2015

Giant sprouts press release disguised as news

Congratulations to the press team at Morrisons supermarket who prove they are the best in the world at hitting the target with a press release:

Northampton Chronicle: Giant sprouts coming to a supermarket near you

One MK: Giant sprouts coming to a supermarket near you

Worthing Herald: Giant sprouts coming to a supermarket near you

Portsmouth News: Giant sprouts coming to a supermarket near you

Falkirk Herald: Giant sprouts coming to a supermarket near you

Skegness Standard: Giant sprouts coming to a supermarket near you

Falmouth Packet: Giant sprouts coming to a supermarket near you

And a Google search implores me to "Explore 76 more articles". Well played, Morrisons. Well played.

Spotter's Badge: Mike

Monday 30 November 2015

Even more Peter Andre dullness

Shropshire Star: Pete turns on Christmas lights, loves his kids

They spelled "TWAT" wrong.

BEWARE: Story contains a gallery featuring a brain-freezing 19 photographs from Telford's highlight of the year.

Saturday 28 November 2015

Bus dullness

Lancashire Telegraph: Bus breaks down

As you can see, it's caused CHAOS

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Friday 27 November 2015

Dave Benson Phillips dullness

Worthing Herald: CBeebies star apologises for scaring kids with balloon

Apology accepted, now get out there and make balloon animals like you've never done before.

Spotter's Badge: Richard

Saturday 21 November 2015

Tuesday 17 November 2015

Sunday 15 November 2015