Gnome press release disguised as news

Dorset Echo: Gnome theft hotspot

Torquay Herald Express: Gnome theft hotspot

Exeter Express and Echo: Gnome theft hotspot

Plymouth Herald: Gnome theft hotspot

Pub coincidence dullness

Eastern Daily Press: Former pub landlady meets old customer on a train

And I hope they were both very happy.

Shed dullness

Eastern Daily Press: Fork stolen

Spotter's Badge: Dave

Skegness may be bracing, but there's still dullness

Skegness Standard: Lost coat

Lights candle for those afflicted with Lost Coat Syndrome, sets fire to coat I found.

Something has happened in Grimsby

...But we don't know what it is. Click through to read the Grimsby Telegraph, because they're nice people.

Spotter's Badge: Gary

Phone line dullness

Rye and Battle Observer: Minor damage at pub

The picture makes it look like the Battle of Stalingrad

Spotter's Badge: Ian

Coronation Street dullness

Lancashire Telegraph: Burnley mentioned on Corrie

The most important thing to happen in the town for decades

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Social club dullness

Henley Standard: Eye-wateringly detailed report on social club's activities lacks one important detail

The clue's in the headline.

Burger King Question To Which The Answer Is NO

Folkestone Herald: Did that globally viral story about the guy who bought all the apple pies in a Burger King to spite a child happen in Folkestone, where we have a branch of Burger King?

No.

Kebab shop dullness

North Devon Journal: New kebab shop opens

"The Best Kebab"? That's fighting talk.

Spotter's Badge: Ian

Cleaning company dullness

Henley Standard: Cleaning company doing quite well

Well done.

Playground dullness

Bournemouth Echo: Girl stuck in climbing frame

Standard happy ending: She's still there

Henley-on-Thames, where the fun never stops

Henley Standard: Road might get a new bus stop

Henley Standard: Martin Akehurst has been returned as chairman of Henley Town Council’s traffic advisory committee

No wonder Boris left to become Mayor of London, the pace of life must have exhausted him. 

World War One desperate local angle dullness

Northampton Chronicle: Members of the royal family sit on local firm's scaffolding at Great War commemoration

Spotter's Badge: Mike

Grass verge dullness

Stamford Mercury: Plan to restore grass verge

Good luck - we're all counting on you

Silly Season Round-up

South Wales Evening Post: Space aliens stole my sheep, says farmer

No. No they didn't.

Somerset Guardian: Dead cat sent me poems from beyond the grave says person who is allowed to vote and everything

No. No it didn't.

Hugh Jackman dullness

Watford Observer: Hugh Jackman visits Watford with his son

But there's a different story on Reddit: "Hugh Jackman came to my place of work yesterday. I had my picture taken with him. My place of work shared it without my permission. I'm now in the Watford observer captioned as his son."

Whoops!

Spotter's Badge: TRT

Henry hoover nozzle dullness

Chiswick Herald: Local woman emerges victorious after year-long battle to remove nozzle from her vacuum cleaner

I've seen a lot of so-called "dull news" over the last few years, but this one seems important.

Lighting a candle today for others afflicted by Henry Stubborn Nozzle Syndrome.

Spotter's Badge: Everybody

Low quality topiary dullness

Sutton Guardian: It's Zippy from Rainbow

No, really.

Pub press release disguised as news

Trafford Messenger: Pub re-opens

Red, white and rosé wine, the devils.

Spotter's Badge: Gert

Power station poetry dullness

Reading Post: Reader sends in poem to Didcot Power station

So you don't have to read it, I've done a better one* for you.

Like behemoths over Didcot's skies
They'll be missed more than you'll surmise
With none left but a featureless plain
What else is there to see from the train?
Seen for miles e'er you may roam
How will Didcot's drunks find their way home?
Like staggering spectres they'll roam the streets
A zombie legacy that's hard to beat

 
*Possibly much worse

Ebola desperate local angle on a world news story dullness

Lincolnshire Echo: Nobody in Lincolnshire has Ebola

Good. GOOD.

Spotter's Badge: The Media Blog

Brazilian Question To Which The Answer Is NO

South Wales Evening Post: Has the Christ the Redeemer statue been relocated to Swansea?

No.

Spotter's Badge: Paul

Civic Society Dullness

Fenland Citizen: Grantham Civic Society welcomed to Wisbech

...where they are still being held hostage.

Road accident dullness

 

For all your news around Albury and Wodonga, visit the Border Mail website

Spotter's Badge: Meredith

New gates dullness

Basingstoke Gazette: Council approves new gates for playing field

Overton again, where the action never stops.

Carrot not-actually-a-local-paper dullness

ITV News: Mystery over dumped carrots

If you have any information on this or any other crime, that number again: 999

Spotter's Badge: Christina

And because I never check my email, here it is in the Rugby Advertiser as well, but the picture's nowhere near as funny

Spotter's Badge: Rob

Locked in the lav dullness

Eastern Daily Press: Firefighters rescue person from toilet

Spotter's Badge: Dave

Table tennis dullness

Cambridge News: FREE PING PONG!

Spotter's Badge: Chris

Traffic News dullness

Hucknall Dispatch: There is no traffic news

Good. GOOD.

Doggy press release disguised as news

Dorset Echo: Boxer David Haye does a weather forecast for dogs

Western Daily Press: Boxer David Haye does a weather forecast for dogs

Pontefract and Castleford Express: Boxer David Haye does a weather forecast for dogs

Bolton News: Boxer David Haye does a weather forecast for dogs

Edinburgh Evening News: Boxer David Haye does a weather forecast for dogs

Hucknall Dispatch: Boxer David Haye does a weather forecast for dogs

St Helens Star: Boxer David Haye does a weather forecast for dogs

Mansfield Chad: Boxer David Haye does a weather forecast for dogs

...and a million other local titles. Well done that PR firm.

Couldn't think of a headline dullness

Henley Standard: Headline

Henley Standard: Headline

Henley Standard: Headline

Snarky copy

Sign-off

Stuck hedgehog dullness

Bristol Post: Hedgehog gets stuck in Marcus Trescothick's garden gate

I bet - oh-ho! - that was a bit of a sticky wicket!

Spotter's Badge: Mike

Farm auction dullness

NJ.com: Eggs at $2.70 a dozen

Hay bales looking a bargain at 80 cents.

Spotter's Badge: Terry

Pink postbox dullness

Bexley News Shopper: Postbox painted pink

That's what's known in the trade as the "undercoat". The undercoat.

Spotter's Badge: Adam