Eurovision Dullness

Brighton Argus: Woman knits Graham Norton and (presumably) Terry Wogan

NUL POINTS

Spotter's Badge: Christina

New Supermarket Dullness

Leamington Courier: Scout troop becomes first victim of newly-opened supermarket's fresh meat counter

Couldn't be bothered to read the story, but I think I've nailed it.

Spotters Badge: Rob R

Just to make it perfectly clear dullness

Lancashire Telegraph: Former Premier League footballer says he won't be working in Subway

Well, that clears that up.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Accountancy dullness

Northampton Chronicle: Man retires

But give him his due, 38 years in accountancy deserves some sort of medal

Spotter's Badge: Mike

Sandwich dullness

Bexley News Shopper: South London sandwich shortage bites HARD

Give it a couple of days, and we'll see raw, naked savagery on the streets of Charlton.

Spotter's Badge: Neil

AAAAARGH We've run out of bubbly dullness

Warrington Guardian: Shop in Lymm runs out of prosecco

The first of a million "Shop in [INSERT PLACE NAME HERE] runs out of prosecco" stories, and we will run no more. Unless there are riots, obviously.

Spotter's Badge: Jill

Royal baby dullness

Yeovil Express: Dull argument over whether there should have been a flag over Chard Town Hall to mark the birth of a royal baby

I actually fell asleep typing that. The answer, of course, it "Who gives a shit?"

Computer company press release disguised as news

Hull Daily Mail: Local IT company gets work from America

WELL DONE

Spotter's Badge: L0wey

We expect you want to know what's going down in Overton dullness

Basingstoke Gazette: This is what's going on in Overton

Not one for hyperbole, but SHIT THE BED

Giant Twiglet dullness

Exeter Express and Echo: Serious shit happens in Exeter

I'd stay off the streets until the Guinness Book of Records people have been

Spotter's Badge: Mike

Town of the year dullness

Reading Post: Reading wins Thames Valley Town of the Year award

What's Slough got to do to catch a break?

"Town of the Year is presented to the management team of the town which is judged to have enhanced its town's brand, by implementing the most successful town-centre strategy."

WAKE UP IT'S OVER.

Girl gets job dullness

Bromley News Shopper: Ronseal

Well done. Perfect dull news. But well done.

Spotter's Badge: Neil

CCTV press release disguised as news

Watford Observer: CCTV company sells CCTV system

Well done.

Spotter's Badge: TRT

Oswaldtwistle dullness

Lancashire Telegraph: Gogglebox family finds place name amusing

That's Oswaldtwistle. Nope, me neither.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Doughnut dullness

Carmarthen Journal: Baker to stock doughnuts

Thus finally catching up with bakers all over the world.

Spotter's Badge: Nick

Duchess Kate dullness

Northampton Chronicle: Kate lookalike gets baby lookalike

Spoiler: It's a doll.

Spotter's Badge: Mike

Tent dullness

Greenwich News Shopper: Tent blows onto railway line

"The tent may have looked like this one" --- Top work, News Shopper. Take the rest of the day off.

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Owl not dull at all

Clitheroe Times: Bird flies into school

Hardly dull BECAUSE IT'S A FREAKING OWL

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Squirrel dullness

Bromley News Shopper: Squirrel eats food

I've got a squirrel in my garden that's been feasting on my fatty balls*

*not sexy slang

Royal baby desperate local angle on a national story

York Press: Local man delivered royal baby news

But not the royal baby. THAT would have been a story.

Spotter's Badge: Susie

Weetabix dullness

Northampton Chronicle: Weetabix boss to give speech

"Eat your breakfast".

The End.

Spotter's Badge: Mike

Compost dullness

Ealing Today: Free compost

Handy for planting any spare bodies you might have in the Ealing area.

Said too much.

Spotter's Badge: Chris

Bonfire dullness

Kidderminster Shuttle: Bonfire rages out of control

I've been to Stourport. This can only be seen as an improvement.

Spotter's Badge: Tim

Flower arranging dullness

Watford Observer: Flower arranging society arranges flowers

Although this picture suggests they've created The Terminator.

Spotter's Badge: TRT

Celebrity/donkey dullness

Falmouth Packet: Caroline Quentin visits donkey

She has got TINY legs.

Duck dullness

Eastern Daily Press: Ban on feeding ducks

Too right. Look how big they've got. Duck obesity is a huge problem in Swaffham.

Spotter's Badge: Chris

Potato/chicken dullness

Lancashire Telegraph: Woman finds potato shaped like a chicken

They have weird looking chickens up north

Spotter's Badge: Karen

New Screwfix dullness

Blackpool Gazette: Blackpool gets a second Screwfix store

TIP: Don't buy the cheapest screws, tools and fixings from Screwfix. They may sound like a bargain, but invariably they're mince. I've been there.

One day, Blackpool will be nothing but Screwfix stores, and the people there will starve to death. Don't say you haven't been warned.

Spotter's Badge: Susie

Tiny egg dullness

Carmarthen Journal: Is this the world's smallest chicken egg?

WE DON'T KNOW

Spotter's Badge: Khyle

New Costa Coffee dullness

Essex Echo: Locals get over-excited as coffee shop gets planning permission

No, I don't know why he's blowing into a trumpet, either.

Spotter's Badge: Barry

Stolen elephant dullness

South Wales Evening Post: Elephant stolen from garden

A concrete one. Picture not related.

Spotter's Badge: Paul

Lost property dullness

Torquay Herald Express: Have you lost this bag?

We've got your baby's cigarette filters.

Spotter's Badge: Kieran