New shop dullness

Chelmsford Weekly News: New Primark

"But Chelmsford is a city now and I think it is great that a place like Chelmsford finally has a Primark of it’s own" - and other apostrophe abuse

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Crime of the Century dullness

Hull Daily Mail: Search for sandwich thieves

Mark my words - sandwiches are a gateway drug. They'll be thieving panini next

Celebrity dullness

Bracknell Forest Standard: Peter Andre makes TV programme

Steer clear of Bracknell, folks. It's a madhouse

Rabbit dullness

Evesham Journal: Rabbit has babies

Who'd have thought it - rabbits doing ...err... thingy

Thatch dullness

Reading Post: Man once met Mrs Thatcher

New category: Desperate local angle on a national story 

Advert dullness

Hemel Today: Large company films advert

Roadside barbecue dullness

Bracknell Forest Standard: Barbecue is put out

Standard happy ending: He's still there, foraging for food in the local hedgerows

Town crier pudding dullness

Chelmsford Evening News: Town crier's pudding ends up on TV show

Not sexy slang

Spotter's Badge: Rachel

Bonfire dullness

Bracknell Forest Standard: Fire brigade called to bonfires

Hope the had their marshmallows-on-sticks ready

Doughnut shop dullness

Coventry Telegraph: Doughnut shop sells loads of doughnuts

...to people who see no problem with paying a pound per doughnut

Spotter's Badge: Rob

Helicopter dullness

This is Kent: Helicopter flies over town

It be witchcraft, that what it be!

Spotter's Badge: Rob

Handwriting analysis press release disguised as news

Bridgwater Mercury: Get your handwriting analysed

and

Fenland Citizen: Get your handwriting analysed

also

Stourbridge News: Get your handwriting analysed

Cow rescue dullness

Reading Post: Cow rescued from canal

And the next day...

Reading Post: Another cow rescued from canal

Dead hamster weirdness

Wilts and Glos Standard: Easter miracle as dead hamster comes back to life

Just like that ET fella

Spotter's Badge: Malcolm

Vending machine dullness

Reading Post: Boy gets hand trapped in vending machine

Standard happy ending: He's still there

Opera donkey dullness mega-post

Deeside Piper: Local donkey to appear in opera

Wait... it's a travelling production, which surely means...

Grimsby Telegraph: Local donkey to appear in opera
 
Buxton Advertiser: Local donkey to appear in opera

Border Telegraph: Local donkey to appear in opera

Kent News: Local donkey to appear in opera

Northants Telegraph: Local donkey to appear in opera

Basingstoke Observer: Local donkey to appear in opera

Spotter's Badge With Gold Star: Christopher

Burned dinner dullness

Portsmouth News: Man burns his dinner

Spotter's Badge: Jon

Dance classes dullness

Halifax Courier: Dance classes cancelled due to weather

I, for one, welcome our new Glee-smiting overlords

Spotter's Badge: Paul

TV actor dullness

Hemel Today: Moderately famous person lives locally

"Hi! I'm Troy McClure!"

Jesus face in a green scatter cushion dullness

Coventry Telegraph: Is this the face of Jesus in a green scatter cushion?

No.

Spotter's Badge: Rob

Spelling mistake dullness

Nottingham Post: Spelling mistake on party invitation

Sod it, call the whole thing off

Man changes job dullness

Halifax Courier: Taxi driver starts job in takeaway. Three years ago

I'll stick my neck out here: Press release disguised as news KLAXON

Spotter's Badge: Ross

Sausage roll dullness

Hull Daily Mail: Drewton's Farm Shop into final of the prestigious British Pig Executive Foodservice Pork Product of the Year 2013

WOW.

Spotter's Badge: L0wey

Locked in bathroom dullness

Wokingham Times: Child locked in bathroom

Standard happy ending: She's still there!

Bit of nice weather dullness

CBC News BC: Nice weather in Vancouver

Dull, even by Canadian standards

Spotter's Badge: Jennifer

Train not stopping dullness

Maidenhead Advertiser: Train driver forgets to stop at Maidenhead

Easy mistake to make, and I wouldn't blame him

Spotter's Badge: Rob

Pram theft dullness

Bedford Times and Citizen: Pram theft figures released

Police said looking for baby-faced crook

Driving test dullness

Basingstoke Gazette: Tall person passes driving test

Congratulations for being the first tall person to be able to drive

Baby goes swimming dullness

South Wales Argus: Baby celebrates Welsh rugby triumph by going for a swim

It's like a Welsh Nirvana cover, isn't it?

Lisa From Steps Goes Shopping Dullness

Bracknell Forest Standard: Lisa from Steps spotted shopping in Waitrose

Excited Heather Pocock (@heather_pocock) posted on social network site Twitter: "Just saw Lisa from Steps in Waitrose in Bracknell, best day ever."

Spotter's Badge: Andrew