Sewing Class Dullness

Postcode Gazette: New Saturday sewing classes

Spotter's Badge: Phil

Swan dullness

Reading Evening Post: Swan holds up traffic

And my favourite dull picture in all local newspaper publishing: The Reading Post's stock photo of a police car, complete with a pair of feet.

Dead thing dullness

Peterlee Star: Police find dead thing

Experts called in who confirm, yes, it's dead

Club dullness

Northumberland Gazette: Canoe club gets painted

Spotter's Badge: Huw

Street crime dullness

Norwich Evening News: Car slightly damaged

Spotter's Badge: Dave

Swans in road dullness

Weston Mercury: Swans in road

Bus route dullness

Northumberland Gazette: Bus routes change

Pay attention. This is IMPORTANT.

Press release disguised as news dullness

This is Total Essex: MCProducts visit Dura Composites to become ‘Approved Installers’

Be warned if you're thinking of clicking through - somebody is wearing socks and sandals.

99p Store dullness

Coventry Telegraph: Half-arsed publicity stunt as discount store opens

Spotter's Badge: Rob

Not on television dullness

Hemel Today: Company doesn't appear on television

Missing celebrity cat's nephew dullness

Reading Post: Missing cat comes back

The story is not hugely dull in itself, but we include it on these pages for what is the most tenuous celebrity link we have ever seen in a news story, ever:

"The Bengal cat, whose uncle is owned by former Arsenal footballer Thierry Henry..."

Let us make that perfectly clear. It is not Thierry Henry's nephew's cat. It is Thierry Henry's cat's nephew. In the words of David Coleman (no relation): "Quite extraordinary".

Doggy dullness

Billericay Gazette: Dog kennels to appear in forthcoming episode of The Only Way is Essex

All the proof you need that our society is doomed.

Station fire dullness

Coventry Telegraph: Fire at station, nobody hurt

It's all kicking off in Nuneaton

Spotter's Badge: Rob

Weight loss dullness

Portsmouth News: Woman loses weight 

A cunningly-worded free advertisement for that noted cult, Weight Watchers

Metal detecting dullness

Lancashire Evening Post: Coin collectors' club something something something

I was going to put this in Angry People in Local Newspapers, but as soon as I reached "South Ribble Metal Detecting Club", my eyes glazed over. I should start an Angry Dull blog, where this would be the only entry.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Rock visit dullness

Basingstoke Gazette: Stone visits village on world tour

A stone. A great big hunk of rock.

Norfolk meteor NOT DULL AT ALL

Eastern Daily Press: Fireball spotted over Norfolk

Every now and then, something grabs us from local press that is neither dull nor angry, but we just have to put it somewhere.

To the editorial staff of the Eastern Daily Press, we salute you for your mighty efforts.

Spotter's Badge: Sarah

Missing grass dullness

 
Hemel Today: Missing grass blamed on badgers

Missing bird dullness

Newbury Today: Missing: Large flightless bird. REWARD

Railway dullness

Driffield Today: Local railway society annouces raffle results

Check your tickets: IT COULD BE YOU*  

*Almost certainly won't be you

Lost Keys dullness

 

Northumberland Gazette: BREAKING - Bunch of keys found

Everybody: Check your pockets

Novelty hat dullness

Braintree Chronicle: Man wears hat, in public where people can see him and everything

In which the Blogger outs himself as a cynical bastard.

Celebrity goes down the pub dullness

Eastern Daily Press: Celebrity goes down the pub

Twin town dullness

Driffield Today: Old people visit stately home

I vowed not to take the rise out of shoddy journalism on these pages, but this is the second story I've linked to from this title this week let down by poor spelling and grammar. Not to mention the dullness.

PRIMARK opening dullness

Essex Chronicle: FRENZY as Primark opens in Chelmsford

With a picture gallery containing eleven photos. ELEVEN.

Accounts manager dullness

Lancashire Telegraph: Two people get jobs

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Pound store dullness

Billericay Gazette: Residents sick with excitement as new branch of Poundland opens

Spotter's Badge: Barry

BREAKING DULLNESS

Hemel Today: Road closed for overnight roadworks

Relax, everybody: THERE WILL BE SIGNED DIVERSIONS

Stuck dullness

Eastern Daily Press: Things get stuck in other things

One of these things is a cow, the other is a small boy. Imagination required

Spotter's Badge: Dave

False alarm dullness

This is Plymouth: Alarm goes off

Spotter's Badge: Miss Anthrope

Matchstick model dullness

Worcester News: Man builds church out of match sticks

"Oh God, I've wasted my life", says man as the enormity of this project suddenly strikes him

Apostrophe dullness

Yorkshire Evening Post: FURY and PUBLIC EXECUTIONS over rogue apostrophe on school banner

Spotter's badge: Paul

Duck dullness

Colchester Gazette: Duck runs out of luck, get stuck

Spotter's Badge: Jed

Bike shop dullness

Driffield Today: Bike shop expands

What do you get when you take a press release, subtract the spellchecker, and throw in a tight publication deadline? THIS

Bulb dullness

Spenborough Guardian: Bulb catches fire

Not a light bulb. A bulb bulb.

Sports news dullness

Bournemouth Echo: Old lady plays darts

I had a discussion with the Bournemouth Echo Twitter person about this. They are convinced this is not dull news. I disagree. The only way this would not be dull would be if she was a Sumo wrestler.

Broken bollard dullness

The Cornishman: Broken bollard 'is not fit for purpose'

Why are they carrying flowers? Why? WHY?

Spotter's Badge: Phil - "This has totally ruined our Cornish holiday. But it's those who live here I really feel for"

Terrapin dullness

Cambridge News: Terrapin found

That's - oh-ho! - TURTLEY DULL!!!!!

Spotter's Badge: Al

New shed dullness

This is Total Essex: Man in bid to build shed

We ran this one last week on Angry People in Local Newspapers, but we're still getting the link emailed to us at least twice a day. And why not, for it is the very pinnacle of everything that Dull News is about: Human drama, suspense, sheds.

Dull village near Henley dullness

Henley Standard: Library shut

Henley Standard: Locals to marvel at new-fangled "road signs"

I went to Benson once. It was closed.

Knitting Dullness

Bradford Telegraph and Argus: KNITTING HAPPENS

Spotter's Badge: Mark

Lost scarf dullness

This is Total Essex: Scarf found

Holy crap! It's all kicking off in Brentwood!

Cabbage dullness

Hereford Times: Cabbage grows

We're already teetering on the brink of becoming a Weird News blog instead of a Dull News one. But THIS IS DULL

Spotter's Badges: Chris, Karl and TV's Al Muuray

Marketing dullness

Business Dorset: Company appoints marketing manager in charge of soil, compost and mulch

I'd mulch her garden (If the plants were in need of some extra help in this unpredictable summer weather)

Burnt pie dullness

Lancashire Evening Post: Woman burns pie

No farting about - that's the actual headline.

Spotter's Badge: Craig

Concert dullness

Luton Today: Newspaper promotes shows that took place a week previously, forgets to name most of the acts

Not strictly dull, more inept. Get your act together, Luton Today!

Saw dullness

Luton Today: Britain's only Wade One-Man Drag Saw goes on display

I HAVE SHIT MYSELF WITH EXCITEMENT

Shed fire dullness

Halifax Courier: Shed on Fire

NOT a song by the Kings of Leon

Spotter's Badge: Ross

Toaster dullness

Bracknell Forest Standard: Toast catches fire

Grass growing dullness

Bath Chronicle: Rain causes grass to grow

Roadworks dullness

Western Advocate: Roadworks will cause no delays at all

Looks like Hell on Earth out there

Spotter's Badge: Lisa

Wheelchair Dullness

Wakefield Express: Wheels found in town centre

Oh, the humanity

Lost cat dullness revisited

Reading Post: Thierry Henry's cat's nephew goes missing again

The dull celebrity connection that keeps on giving