Tenants Association party dullness

Morley Observer: FREE BUFFET

I repeat: FREE BUFFET

Spotter's Badge: Paul

Stuck ring dullness

Norwich Evening News: Woman gets ring stuck on finger

Spotter's Badge: Dave

Minor road delays dullness

Norwich Evening News: Lorry loses wheel

Spotter's Badge: Dave

Large puddle just outside the Basingstoke Gazette editorial offices dullness

Basingstoke Gazette: Large puddle outside Basingstoke Gazette offices

Followed up with the stunning...

 
Basingstoke Gazette: Large puddle still outside Basingstoke Gazette offices

Send food, money to these poor devils. 

Update! I am told that the editor was on the Anne Diamond show on BBC Berkshire this morning, talking about the Great Puddle of Basingstoke. Mind. Boggles.

Wallet not stolen dullness

Norwich Evening News: Wallet not stolen in non-existent burglary

Spotter's Badge: Dave

Oil spillage dullness

Rugby Advertiser: Police, council clear up oil from street

Spotter's Badge: Rob

Wall planning dullness

Newbury Today: Walls made slightly lower

All kicking off in Newbury, as usual

Spotter's Badge: Andrew

Apostrophe dullness

This is South Wales: Actual headline - '

And the apostrophe was the highlight, I can tell you for nothing.

Spotter's Badge: Paul

Salt bin dullness

Watford Observer: School buys salt bin

Also, a bucket of pepper for people who like that kind of thing

Spotter's Badge: TRT

Shed fire dullness

Clitheroe Advertiser: Shed catches fire

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Slightly larger than average marrow dullness

Get Surrey: Girl grows slightly larger than average marrow

Grass cutting dullness

Yeovil Express: Investigation into grass cutting

Scissors = Bad

Lawn mowers = Good

Minor traffic delays dullness

Mansfield Chad: Minor road delays after cyclist's accident

And no idea what happened to the poor bike rider

Spotter's Badge: Simon

Raffle draw dullness

Brighton Argus: Raffle draw announced

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Don't know why I bother.

Estate agency press release disguised as news dullness

Morley Observer: Jolly nice, if slightly boxy, house for sale

PRESS RELEASE DISGUISED AS NEWS KLAXON

Power cut dullness

Coventry Telegraph: Power cuts hit small area of Coventry

Man, it's like 1973 all over again.

Spotter's Badge: Rob

Pound store dullness

Bridgwater Mercury: Poundland to open in small provincial town

With mystery celebrity guest. Just as soon as they've built it. In fact, just as soon as they've found the site, applied for planning permission...

Drunken student weirdness

Plymouth Herald: Student goes on brown sauce rampage

Now, if it had been ketchup, I might have understood it...

Lost cat weirdness

Welwyn and Hatfield Times: Woman pays alleged pet psychic £60 per hour to find lost cat
 
"I am not mad," she says.

Beg to differ

Apostrophe dullness

 Beds on Sunday: With all Bedford's problems solved, town at war over grammar

Donkey dullness

Brighton Argus: With all of Brighton's problems solved, search on for owner of papier mache donkey

Lost baby buggy dullness

Boston Standard: Lost baby buggy
 
(Baby not included)

Fire dullness

Bridgwater Mercury: Small fire put out

Staff sickness dullness

South Wales Evening Post: Sickness levels at Abertawe Bro Morgannwg University Health Board rise by 0.04%

Spotter's Badge: Gwyddno

No fires at all dullness

Halifax Courier: No fires noted on Bonfire Night weekend

Spotter's Badge: Ross

Bond is back dullness

South West Business: Actor plays golf

"I'll show you a hole-in-one, Moneypenny"

Spotter's Badge: Louise

Kitchen Fire dullness

Dorset Echo: "The oven gloves were completely destroyed"

Surely the finest words ever in the history of local journalism

Bin fire dullness

South Yorkshire Times: Accidental bin fire 

Bonfire night dull news special

Wakefield Express: Bonfire doesn't light

Spotter's Badge: Paul

Seagull burger dullness

Whitby Gazette: Seagull burger attack

Can be taken so many different ways.

Spotter's Badge: Richard

Trapped finger dullness

Reading Post: Man's finger trapped in garage door

Happy ending: He's still there

Rubbish bin dullness

York Press: Residents caught using bins

Spotter's Badge: York Dweller John

Don't even know what's going on here dullness

South Wales Evening Post: Police investigate incident

...but nobody has any idea what the incident was, or even if it happened at all. So, that's alright then

Spotter's Badge: Plaid Gwyddno

Stuck in lift dullness

Hemel Today: People stuck in lift

Message to Hemel Today: Something wrong with your keyboard.

Owl attack weirdness

Morecambe Visitor: Silly string attack on boy carrying owl

Plod:  I don’t think there’s a criminal offence of assaulting an owl with silly string

Yeah, never mind him getting punched in the face, eh?

Spotter's Badge: Maggi, Everybody 

Strange noises dullness

Eastbourne Herald: Strange noises heard

These are strange noises over and above the wails of despair

Dangerous Cupcakes Dullness

Brighton Argus: DANGEROUS CUPCAKES

Awards dullness

Cumbernauld News: North Lanarkshire Council announces corporate awards
 
"...recognised outstanding individual projects which meet the key council priorities of health and wellbeing, environment, lifelong learning, regeneration and developing the organisation."