False alarm dullness double bill

Bracknell Forest Standard: No fire at 'burning' building

Bracknell Forest Standard: No fire at 'burning' building, again

People of Bracknell - IT'S NOT ON FIRE

More more shopping centre dullness

Morley Observer: Shopping centre that got a new manager and a new retail liaison officer gets one of those new-fangled 'coffee shops'

We might point out that the White Rose Centre has not paid us any money for any of these stories.

Spotter's Badge: Paul

No litter problem dullness

Huddersfield Evening Examiner: 'No litter problem' at bus station

So, the summary executions appear to be working

Spotter's Badge: Michael 

Big egg dullness

York Press: Chicken does an egg

Dull story redeemed entirely by EGGS-ellent photo

OK, here's another photo...

Hedgehog dullness

Leicester Mercury: Hedgehog spotted in garden

E-mail pictures of what is in your garden to: LetMeShowYouSomething Boring@Leicester Mercury etc etc

Ditch fire dullness update (still dull)

Hunts Post: Ditch fire 'caused by pigeon fireball'

Update of THIS dull story, and we now demand somebody starts a band called Pigeon Fireball

Spotter's Badge: James

Locked out dullness

Reading Post: Woman locked out of flat

Happy ending: She's still there!

Village hall dullness

Henley Standard: Rental costs at village hall to rise by three per cent

Yeah, RIP-OFF BRITAIN*

*Has nothing to do with this story

Shells wash up on beach dullness

Bridlington Free Press: Shells wash up on beach

Also: Journalist notices water quite high some days, sometimes it's further way. Why is that?

Spotter's Badge: Amy

Monkey on the loose weirdness

Dorset Echo: Is there a monkey on the loose in Dorchester?

No. No there isn't.

Flaming turds dullness

Hemel Today: BREAKING - Dog poo bin set on fire

And two weeks later, no news on whether the Great Turd Fire Of Hemel still burns

Theft of the century dullness

Lancaster Guardian: Six foot wooden giraffe stolen

Out of shot: The rest of the giraffe. Use your imagination

TV Guide dullness

Dorset Echo: ITV3 and ITV4 now in newspaper's TV listings

But what about Babestation?

Equine crime wave weirdness

Falmouth Packet: Police 'looking for a horse' after hay and carrot thefts

Actual headline. Mind = BOGGLING

Property firm dullness

Bournemouth Echo: Property firm expands into Hampshire

Once they get a toe-hold in Surrey, we might as well pack up and go home.

Cheese advert dullness

Morley Observer: Local cheese expert stars in adverts for cheese

In summary: CHEESE

Spotter's Badge: Paul

Bin fire dullness

Bracknell Forest Standard: Fire put out with bucket of water

Locked in loo dullness

Oxford Times: Woman locked in loo

Lives in Midget Close ... Or normal sized person far away?

Pope Francis Question To Which The Answer Is 'No'

Cambridge News: Has the new Pope's face appeared in coffee grounds?

No.

Spotter's Badge: Mark

Free advertising dullness

Brentwood Gazette: Market trader sells onesies

At least we'll be in with an advantage come the revolution. We normals will be the ones who don't need to take all their clothes off to go to the toilet

No News Day In Grantham Dullness

Grantham Journal: Nothing much happening in Grantham, so here's a picture of the bloke who runs the barber shop

Clock job dullness

Henley Standard: Church clock winder needed

That's the actual church on Google Street View. I, for one, welcome our giant insect overlords.

Trapped in bathroom dullness

Reading Post: Woman trapped in bathroom

Happy ending - She's still there!

Village hall table stacking dullness

South Wales Evening Post: Council explores different table-stacking regime

AN END TO THIS BLASPHEMY! We must root out the curs behind this UNGODLY exhibition of all that is an ABOMINATION in the eyes of the LORD and run them out of town, their trousers AFLAME.

Or, somebody could get a petition going. Either way's good.

UPDATE: Table trouble at Welfare Hall

Typical Right-handed propaganda.

Spotter's Badge: @cawhitworth, @proogs, Everybody

More shopping centre dullness

Morley Observer: Shopping centre gets new retail liaison officer

This after the excitement of the new centre manager. We can't cope.

Spotter's Badge: Dom

Cat eats mouse dullness

Brighton Argus: Cat chokes on mouse

OK, OK... here's a picture of the cat to prove he didn't die of mouse overdose.

Spotter's Badge: Damian

Burning smell dullness

Wokingham Times: People smell burning

Bloke retires dullness

Watford Observer: Barber retires after 42 years

I've worked out that he has probably asked 50,400 Friday customers if they need "Something for the weekend"

Spotter's Badge: TRT

Medieval History Talk Dullness

Beverley Guardian: Talk on local history

Some people might find this not dull at all. However, the story has been written with the fervour of a North Korean editorial, and deserves a wider audience.

His comments were entertaining and accurate, and his detailed photographs were warmly received by his appreciative audience.

Car sales press release disguised as news

Driffield Today: Free fuel if you buy a new car, apparently

Beverley People: Free fuel etc etc

This is Lincolnshire: Free etc

Hull Daily Mail: etc

Aaaargh!

Breeze block dullness

Hemel Today: New board member at breeze block company

Good. GOOD.

Ditch fire dullness

Hunts Post: Ditch catches fire

ARMAGEDDON!

Spotter's Badge: James

Spider dullness

Bromley News Shopper: Man given recycling bin with dead spider

Oh, the humanity!

Spotter's Badge: Stefan

From the 'What the actual...?' department

Plymouth Herald: COSTS: comparison

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS IS ABOUT

Emu sex dullness

Essex Echo: Emu to leave animal park

It's almost as if Rod Hull never fell off that roof

Spotter's Badge: Barry

Roadside poultry dullness

Eastern Daily Press: Chickens found on roundabout

Spotter's Badge: Fanton

Bin Fire Dullness Triple Bill

Bracknell Forest Standard: Cigarette may have caused bin fire in underpass

BRACKNELL SAVED FROM FIERY DESTRUCTION (again)

Peterborough Telegraph: Peterborough saved from fiery destruction

Hemel Today: Hemel Hempstead saved from fiery destruction

Katie Price dullness

West Sussex Today: Celebrity goes shopping

Good. Good for her.