Curry house press release disguised as news

Northampton Chronicle: Something about curry

Text book press release work, right down to the quote arriving - bang on cue - in the fourth paragraph

Spotter's Badge: Mike

Superhero dullness

Bexley News Shopper: Man has a fancy dress box

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Road name dullness

Colchester Gazette: Council process for naming new road described in eye-watering detail

Spotter's Badge: Alice

Ghostly question to which the answer is NO

Coventry Telegraph: Is this a picture of a ghost in a hospital?

NO

(But it stands to reason, if ghosts haunt the place where they died, whay aren't hosptials teeming with the spectral buggers?)

Spotter's Badge: Rob

Grammatically incorrect letter dullness

South Wales Evening Post: Petty theft is bad, m'kay?

Spotter's Badge: Nick

Swan Upping dullness

Get Surrey: Swans don't turn up for Swan Upping

I expecting Swan Upping turned into - oh-ho! - Swan DOWNING!!!

Spotter's Badge: Christina

Supermarket dullness

Winsford Guardian: Morrisons removes £1 trolley locks

Stone and Eccleshall Gazette: Morrisons removes £1 trolley locks

Lutterworth Mail: Morrisons removes £1 trolley locks

Bucks Herald: Morrisons removes £1 trolley locks

Bracknell Forest Standard: Morrisons removes £1 trolley locks

Grimsby Telegraph: Morrisons removes £1 trolley locks

Berwick Advertiser: Morrisons removes £1 trolley locks

Milton Keynes News: Morrisons removes £1 trolley locks

Exeter Express and Echo: Morrisons removes £1 trolley locks

Northampton Chronicle: Morrisons removes £1 trolley locks

...and a million other astonishingly similar stories.

Dancing on the streets of [Insert town here] as the local bag lady now has something to carry her priceless collection of empty tin cans

Spielberg desperate local angle

Bromley News Shopper: Film to be made based on book illustrated by Sidcup-born artist

Got that? Good.

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Clouds dullness

Nottingham Post: Nottingham gets clouds

Nottingham Post: Also, ants

Spotter's Badge: Hyphen

Stadium dullness

Beds on Sunday: Gates painted

Spotter's Badge: Simon

Sandra Bullock Question To Which The Answer Is NO

Coventry Telegraph: Was Sandra Bullock at Kenilworth Carnival?

No.

Spotter's Badge: Rob

Gnome dullness

Bournemouth Echo: Breakfast TV presenters now available in gnome form

A gnome with cleavage. What is wrong with these people?

Tom Jones dullness

Northampton Chronicle: We have nothing to report

Spotter's Badge: Mike

Nun of the above dullness

Eastern Daily Press: Nun to pray for Norwich City Football Club

Why pray? She could probably get a game.

Laundry press release disguised as news

Northampton Chronicle: Outdoor launderette opens

Can't see anything untoward happening here, at all.

Spotter's Badge: Mike

Pigeon dullness

Surrey Mirror: Pigeon rescued

Now in pie form

Spotter's Badge: Paul

UFO Question to Which the Answer is NO

Watford Observer: Is this a UFO over Watford?

NO

Spotter's Badge: TRT

Thought for the week dullness

Basingstoke Gazette: Half-arsed thought for the week

Summary: Not enough Jesus MIGHT KILL YOU

New job dullness

Leamington Courier: Somebody gets a new job

Congratulations for your new job

Spotter's Badge: Rob

Shop front dullness

Bexley News Shopper: Artist creates end-of-term shop front

Complete with far far far too many photos.

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Mayor's chain dullness

Yellow Advertiser: Missing pendant from mayor's chain found

Everybody in Rayleigh: You can stop looking now.

Bloke on the telly dullness

Hunterdon County Democrat: Former Area man appears on TV game show

A superb example of thrashing around for a local angle - he doesn't even live in the paper's coverage area

Spotter's Badge: Terry

MONSOON RAINS dullness

Bristol Post: Apocalyptic MONSOON RAIN turns drain into a GUSHING FOUNTAIN

Click through for underwhelming evidence to the contrary.

Spotter's Badge: Richard

Planning permission dullness

Southern Daily Echo: DENIED

Spotter's Badge: Tim

Concert hall dullness

Bristol Post: Lady has had the same seat for 33 years


Even when Megadeth were playing

Spotter's Badge: Andrew

Murderously dull she wrote

Coventry Telegraph: Angela Lansbury had family in the area 200 years ago

Desperate local angle klaxon

Spotter's Badge: Rob

Bike dullness

Sale Messenger: Kid learns to ride bike

Well done.

Spotter's Badge: Gert

Council website dullness

Basingstoke Gazette: Village council to get new web address

Members will now request that the website address should be set up as overtonhampshire- parishcouncil.gov.uk.
 
Well, that trips off the tongue.

(My mother-in-law is an Overton councillor. It's almost as if she's trying to get on this site on purpose) 

Windsor psychic weirdness

Windsor Observer: Council 'has never paid for exorcists'

Good to know the people's time isn't being wasted by - you know - pointless FOI requests.

Spotter's Badge: Rob

World Cup weirdness

Royston Crow: Football team made up of homeless cats

...would still do better than England.

Weather dullness

Gloucestershire Echo: Locals perplexed as grass falls from sky

It's called "wind". Wind.

Spotter's Badge: Mike

Police crime blotter dullness

Cambridge News: Flower pot knocked over

Were you in St Neots a week ago? You'd better have a damn tight alibi, buster.

Spotter's Badge: Mark

Robbie Williams dullness

Leamington Courier: Fan does a cross-stitch of The Fat Dancer

"My God," she says," I've wasted my life"

Spotter's Badge: Rob

Railway dullness

Henley Standard: New Railway User Group to meet

If you're a member of the Old Railway User Group - BUGGER OFF, we don't want your sort round here.