Lost ring dullness

Wiltshire Times: Please help find lost ring

Nice try, Sauron

Spotter's Badge and gag writer: Hayley

Big Cat Question To Which The Answer Is NO

Tamworth Herald: Does this photograph show 'The Beast of Tamworth'?

NO.

Bus shelter dullness

Shropshire Star: (Actual headline) Village near Oswestry celebrates new bus shelter

Look at them. Celebrating. Par-tay.

Feel sorry for the people of Helston, who are still waiting to hold their bus shelter disco

Spotter's Badge: Count Otto Black

Lost ball dullness

Brighton Argus: Bag of footballs found

We're presuming not the chocolate type. But you can't be too sure these days.

Spotter's Badge: Mike

Shaken/stirred dullness

Coventry Telegraph: Roger Moore eats food

Which is handy, because he'd starve otherwise

Meanwhile, in the Worcester News, Drew Barrymore finds that she is thirsty.

Spotter's Badge: Rob, Nick

Big egg dullness

Heidelberg Leader: Chicken lays egg

Although, one must admit that it probably hurt a bit coming out

Spotter's Badge: Dr Professor Sir Awesome Awesome

Huge fungus dullness

Catford News Shopper: Is this the world's biggest mushroom?

Who cares? I'm going to kill it.

Spotter's Badge: Gita, Count Otto Black

Noticeboard dullness

Watford Observer: Residents get new noticeboard

Picture is unrelated

Spotter's Badge: TRT

David Cameron dullness

Braintree and Witham Times: Essex man suddenly realises he has the same name as the Prime Minister, rushes to tell the papers

Do you share the same name as a famous politician? Do shut up about it.

Spotter's Badge: Count Otto Black

Queen dullness

Kent Online: Has Freddie Mercury been reincarnated as a pile of coats?

No. No he has not.

Spotter's Badge: Count Otto Black

Allotment price rise OUTRAGE

Basingstoke Gazette: Allotment prices might have to go up by a pound a year

I've started a hashtag: #PrayForOvertonAllotmentHolders. I hope you'll join me in this important campaign.

Name change dullness

Watford Observer: Company changes name

Ah, the brutalist concrete paradise of Watford.

Spotter's Badge: TRT

Trapped foot dullness

Matlock Mercury: Man gets his foot stuck

Alas, the emergency services could do nothing, and he's still there.

Spotter's Badge: Rachel

Spelling mistake dullness

North Wales Daily Post: Spelling error on road sign

But the Welsh is perfect, one presumes.

Spotter's Badge: Count Otto Black

Hit the publish button too soon dullness

Hereford Times: Nice picture of a tractor

Story re-produced in full above (in case they delete it). And it IS a nice picture of a tractor.

Corporation Tax dullness

Bournemouth Echo: Company appoints new tax advisor

Err... nice tie.

Planning dullness

Southampton Daily Echo: Plans for loft extension approved

...and that's the entire story. Click through. Knock yourself out.

Facewash dullness

Leamington Courier: Blue lemon facewash wins top industry award

Next stop - the Nobel Prize for Skincare Products

Spotter's Badge: Rob

Basingstoke dullness

Basingstoke Gazette: Monthly crime report for Overton

Basingstoke Gazette: New bishop of Basingstoke visits Basingstoke

AMAZING-stoke!

Stolen wellies dullness

Stourbridge News: Police recover stolen wellies

Have you had some wellies stolen? Call the police.

Spotter's Badge: Tim

Cash machine weirdness

Bolton News: Woman guards her PIN

Not an approved use for a cash machine

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Potato dullness

Cambridge News: Potatoes fall off lorry

With a picture of potatoes, just in case you're not sure what one looks like.

Spotter's Badge: Kate

Pong dullness

Bromley News Shopper: Bad smell in Sidcup

Normal for Sidcup.

Spotter's Badge: Christina

Cockle talk dullness

South Wales Evening Post: Talk on the Burry Inlet cockle industry

They're going to have to pull out all the stops if they're going to improve on the last talk: The Truth Behind 9/11.

Swan dullness

Bromley News Shopper: Swans spotted at taxi rank

Although a previous version of the story said they were geese. Well done. Spotter's Badge.

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Planning dullness

South Wales Evening Post: Plans submitted for granny annex

GOOD LUCK BRAVE ADVENTURER

Paint dullness

Watford Observer: Somebody spilled some paint

Just like watching paint dry...

Spotter's Badge: TRT

Street light dullness

Reading Post: Street lights left on during the day

My advice to you is this: Steer clear of Reading until they sort this outrage.

Frosties desperate local angle

Now Bath: Somebody from Bath did the music for a Frosties advert

Changing the world, one breakfast cereal at a time.

Spotter's Badge: DJ

Phone for sale dullness

Northampton Chronicle: Yours for £30

Or free if you know where to look (skips)

Spotter's Badge: Mike

Oatcake dullness

"The Stoke Sentinel are OBSESSED with oatcakes", says spotter Count Otto Black. And - dammit - he's right.

Stoke Sentinel: Oatcake campaign
 Stoke Sentinel: Oatcakes - The Movie
 Stoke Sentinel: Oatcake crime
 Stoke Sentinel: Door-to-door oatcake scam
 Stoke Sentinel: Oatcake face-off
 Stoke Sentinel: Oatcake exhibition
 Stoke Sentinel: Oatcake Day

Ham dullness

Bromley News Shopper: Ham found

Have you lost your ham? Call the police today.

Spotter's Badge: Christina

Fruit dullness

South Wales Evening Post: Woman finds smiley face on apple

That's nothing. I did a poo that looked like a happy shark last week. Did I go running to the papers?

Spotter's Badge: Paul

Posh Spice dullness

Bolton News: Victoria Beckham does not own a shop in Bolton

Alles klar?

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Banana dullness

Bromley News Shopper: Couple grow tiny bananas

...which they then pick for the photographer.

Estate agent press release disguised as news

Henley Standard: New look for estate agent

Classic press release work, right down to the quote from the boss in the fourth paragraph.

Straw dullness

Rutland and Stamford Mercury: Straw blows off lorries

If only it were something bio-degradable.

Oh.

Spotter's Badge: Count Otto Black

Milk dullness

Falmouth Packet: Somebody drops bottle of milk on the bus

That's the No.68 Falmouth Town service serving Longfield, Golden Bank and Swanvale. Avoid the area at all costs.

Spotter's Badge: Tim

Bus shelter dullness

St Alban's Review: Bus shelter officially opened in Harpenden

PICTURES OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN

Spotter's Badge: Count Otto Black

Microwave dullness

Cambridge News: Parish council buys new microwave

Three paragraphs, journalist's byline, the whole nine yards. THIS IS NEWS

Spotter's Badge: Kate, Mark

Swanage dullness

Swanage and Wareham Advertiser: Residents choose favourite hymns

Welcome to Swanage, twinned with 1948.

Liz Hurley dullness

Bournemouth Echo: Hurley buys pig

Also, Hurley buys car.

In summary: Hurley.

Conference dullness

Leamington Courier: Supply chain professionals invited to conference entitled "Seven Habits of Highly Effective Compliance Programmes"

Hey - don't all rush at once.

Spotter's Badge: Rob

Mutant carrot dullness

Dorset Echo: Strange carrot

Alas, it does not look like a penis, so FAIL.

Shopping centre dullness

Basingstoke Gazette: North Hampshire locals to be amazed by one of those new-fangled 'escalators'

I remember when that was a concrete bus station. Those were the days.