Take That dullness

Dorset Echo: Celebrity gets hungry, buys food

Who knew that famous people eat just like the rest of us?

UKIP candidate dullness

Basingstoke Gazette: Q&A with Basingstoke's UKIP candidate

Highlight: "What are you reading at the moment? Nothing"

Plymouth wheelie bin dullness

Plymouth Herald: Bin blows over

RIP WEELIE BIN UR IN HEVEN NOW WIV DA ANGLES XX

Chamber of Commerce dullness

Basingstoke Gazette: Entire town abuzz over new appointments at the Chamber of Commerce

Pictured: The Wote Street Willy, the only thing that is genuinely exciting about Basingstoke.

Fish research dullness

South Wales Evening Post: Man scares the shit out of fish in the name of science

I've got and made it sound interesting. Trust me, it's not

Spotter's Badge: Paul

Business advice press release disguised as news

Leamington Courier: Business advisers get new client

Jolly well done.

Spotter's Badge: Rob R

Bus pass cat dullness

Reading Post: Freeloading cat gets a bus pass

One of six stories about this particular cat in the Reading Post. Who does his PR?

Cornwall dull double bill

Falmouth Packet: Dung heap on fire

Falmouth Packet: Law firm expands

"Had a dung heap fire that wasn't your fault? Call us now on 01872..."

Hereford animal dullness double bill

Hereford Times: Woman quite likes ducks

Hereford Times: Boggy Bywater wins half a pig

What's in the bucket? TURDS.

Black cat dullness

Somerset Guardian: Black cat sits in front of black TV screen, rendering its owner stupid

The fact that this picture got about a million clicks on Reddit just goes to show how close to doom our civilisation is sailing.

Dog / Jesus Dullness

South Wales Evening Post: 'Jesus' spotted in dog's ear

Your mileage may vary. I'm getting former Chelsea defensive legend Mickey Droy.

Spotter's Badge: Paul

Shopping centre press release disguised as news

Melbourne Herald Sun: Shopping centre did OK over Christmas

Jolly well done.

Spotter's Badge: Dr Professor Sir Awesome

New pub dullness

Wales Online: New pub opens

Story comes with live blog, photo gallery, video report, two bylines.

SPOILER: It's a Wetherspoons

Spotter's Badge: Nick

Biscuit thieves dullness

Camden New Journal: Biscuit thieves nabbed

Their rampage is over. Well done, the Old Bill

Broken door dullness

Surrey Mirror: Family gets locked inside their own home

An achievement worthy of some sort of award

Spotter's Badge: Roger

Bracknell dullness

Bracknell Forest Standard: Police called as nothing happens in Bracknell

Still the most exciting thing to have ever happened there.

Swans dullness

Bexley News Shopper: Swans visit supermarket

"Do you do credit?"

"Why, yes we do"

"Great, put it on my bill"

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Banner dullness

Reading Post: Banner blows off

A nation mourns.

UFO question to which the answer is NO double bill

Coventry Telegraph: Is this a UFO over Warwickshire?

No. No it isn't

Spotter's Badge: Rob

Bexley News Shopper: Is this a UFO over Bexleyheath?

No. No it isn't

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Stuck cat dullness

Bexley News Shopper: Cat up a chimney

Still there, lit a nice fire etc

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Farming business very dull press release disguised as news

East Anglia Daily Times: Feed group ForFarmers transfers non-core export business to Nutreco

So brain-sappingly dull I was asleep before the end of the headline. Good luck if you're clicking through to this one.

Dormer windows dullness

Falmouth Packet: Council approves loft extension

Hardly a week into the New Year and it's all gone off in Cornwall.

Short trousers dullness

Stourbridge News: Man wears short trousers all the time

Except when it gets cold, then he says he might consider trousers.

Spotter's Badge: Tim

Shire horse dullness

Get Reading: Horse gets stuck

It's still there

Christmas turkey dullness

Lancashire Telegraph: Councillor forgets to cook his turkey*

*not sexy slang

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Very dull earthquake dullness

Darlington and Stockton Times: Nobody hurt, no damage reported in very small earthquake

But - rest assured - the moment South Yorkshire is laid waste by a natural disaster, the Times will be there.

Spotter's Badge: Patrick

Ferry dullness

Shetland Times: Ferry delayed

Something that happens so often that we doubt if this is news any more

Spotter's Badge: Chris

World's worst jihadi hackers weirdness

Bristol Post: Holy warriors knock Bristol bus timetables offline

From the people who brought you Squat Jogging.

Locked under the stairs dullness

Western Morning News: Woman stuck in cupboard

She's still there.

Accountancy firm press release disguised as news

Basingstoke Gazette: Accountancy firm rather pleased with itself

"Although the financial performance of a professional services firm in the year following any major merger or acquisition can often be a challenge, it is certainly pleasing to note that both consolidated profits and partner profits rose by significant amounts" 

WOW.

X Factor dullness

Accrington Observer: Spiggy out of the Stereo Kicks visits salon

Come to think of it, that's not Spiggy. It's Mort. Or MC Flymo.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Peter Andre dullness

Fleet News and Mail: Some people meet Peter Andre

He loves his kids, you know.

Rugby Advertiser: Some more people meet Peter Andre

Eastbourne Herald: Peter Andre etc

Pendle Today: Peter Andre - the hell never ends

Bristol Post: Peter etc etc etc etc

And a billion other almost identical local newspaper stories. Look at him. Dead behind the eyes.

(This post brought me threats and insults from Team Peter fans. Who knew?)

Spotter's Badge: Rob

Noisy pub dullness

Portsmouth News: Nothing happened, say police

Or did it?

No.

Spotter's Badge: Triston

College dullness

Eastern Daily Press: Far too much information about new college principal

Still, his family look nice.

Spotter's Badge: Dave

Bird dullness

Cambridge News: Bird gets into shop

Happy ending: They killed it and ate it.

Spotter's Badge: Kate