Ghostly question to which the answer is NO

Bexley News Shopper: Has a ghost been caught on film at Orpington Priory?

No.

Spotter's Badge: Hayley

Tesco dullness

Stroud Gazette: Slight argument in supermarket

Tesco confirmed the argument but said it was "sorted out straight away".

Cool story, bro. Tell it again.

Spotter's Badge: Sarah

Bloody awful picture of a swan dullness

Coventry Telegraph: Swan lands on road

Great photo. It must have been going like the clappers.

Spotter's Badge: Rob R

Gary Barlow dullness

Ely Standard: Gary Barlow might go to this woman's party

(No he won't)

Spotter's Badge: Kate

Hedge dullness

Henley Standard: Hedge at Wargrave Rec (scene of my famous goal for 1st Hurst Cubs against the local ne'er-do-wells) needs a bit of a trim

I'd volunteer, but - y'know - my face not welcome round those parts since my famous goal for 1st Hurst Cubs against the local ne'er-do-wells

Hair extension press release disguised as news

Leamington Courier: Hair extensions company gears up for growth

Racoon International is the number-one supplier of high-quality, glamorous human hair extensions to salons, session stylists and global partners.

And here's a lovely picture of a racoon. Don't have nightmares.


Spotter's Badge: Rob

Station car park dullness

News Shopper: 142 new spaces for Orpington station car park

That's 142 extra spaces. What a time to be alive.

Spotter's Badge: Neil

PM in the pub dullness

Bucks Free Press: Cameron pops into a pub to use the toilet, buys a packet of Wotsits

Of course, there should be a law against going into a pub to use the toilet and not buying at least a swift half.

Bus timetable chaos dullness

Keighley News: Dog sick on a bus

"The animal vomited on the 1.20pm 697 service between Keighley and Bradford. As a result, the subsequent 2.18pm 696 bus from Bradford to Keighley was cancelled because the vehicle was deemed unsuitable for passengers. Bus operator Transdev sent a replacement vehicle which restarted the route at 2.32pm on Thornton Road at Four Lane Ends" 

Spotter's Badge: Chris, Zoe

Ghostly question to which the answer is NO

News Shopper: Is McDonald's in Eltham haunted by the headless ghost of a pregnant woman?

No.

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Cow-stroke-bicycle dullness

Dorset Echo: Cow tangles with hipster bicycle

Pretty much everyday life in the New Forest.

Trees that look a bit like other things dullness

North Wales Daily Post: Behold! A tree that looks like a dog

No. No it doesn't.

Spotter's Badge: Iain

Big cat question to which the answer is NO

Aberdeen Press and Journal: Is there a big cat on the loose in Scotland?

No. No there is not.

It's a normal-sized cat too far away for your eye to make an accurate judgement on its size. As it always is.

More Basingstoke dullness

Basingstoke Gazette: Property agents expect a busy year

Basingstoke Gazette: Solicitors try to explain court fees

Quality press releases disguised as news by all concerned.

Cloud dullness

Canterbury Times: Nothing much going on in Whitstable, so here's a cloud that looks like an elephant

I went to Whitstable once, and I also saw some clouds.

Spotter's Badge: Heidi

Gerry Adams weirdness

Belfast Telegraph: Sinn Fein president trampolines naked in his garden with his dog

YOUR MOVE, DAVID CAMERON.

Future bacon dullness

Eastern Daily Press: Piglet escapes

But turned in to the police by Pooh. He's a bastard, is Pooh.

Spotter's Badge: Dave

Furniture company dullness

Northampton Chronicle: Company gets a loan

That is, I learn, a gun box for rich people and not RANDOM PHOTO KLAXON

Spotter's Badge: Mike

Fishing dullness

South Jersey Times: Columnist finds people quite like fishing

I am not one of them.

Spotter's Badge: Terry

Big cat question to which the answer is NO

 Wells Journal: Is a big cat on the loose near Wells?

No

(And scary to note they've used a gun for scale)

Spotter's Badge: Marjorie

Asteroid desperate local angle

South Wales Evening Post: Giant asteroid 'grazes' Wales

And by 'graze', they actually mean 'miss by 745,000 miles'

Footballer goes to the cinema

Reading Post: Footballer goes to the cinema

To prove it, here's a photo of a footballer at the cinema.

Chef dullness

Leamington Courier: Local chap was on Saturday Kitchen

Jolly well done.

Spotter's Badge: Rob

Spinning sign dullness

Northampton Chronicle: Spinning sign draws public's attention to climate change

Click through to see it in action. You will be AMAZED*

* Not AMAZED in the slightest

Spotter's Badge: Mike

Waitrose dullness

Leyland Guardian: A look inside a Waitrose distribution centre

Thrillsville 2015

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Teapot dullness

Get Bucks: Man's hand freed from teapot

I was certain that I had run this story before, but apparantly not.

Update: His hand now stuck in a sugar caddy

Won a prize dullness

Somerset County Gazette: Girl does quite well at school

Well done.

Spotter's Badge: Michael

Cup of tea dullness

Falkirk Herald: Anger over 50p for a cup of tea

50p?! They don't know they're born.

Spotter's Badge: Chris

Legal firm dullness

Leamington Courier: People get new jobs

Jolly well done.

Spotter's Badge: Rob

Cress dullness

Henley Standard: Guided walks at watercress farm

Dull news enlivened by a spot of Picture Not Related madness.

Starbucks dullness

Bracknell News: Coffee shop runs out for coffee for a short period, annoyed customer goes to Costa instead

Lighting a candle for the people of Bracknell in this most dreadful of times.

South London dullness double bill

News Shopper: Fox seen in the distance at railway station

And from the same reporter...

News Shopper: Man offers to fight Frozen fans

They've really run out of news in Lewisham, haven't they?

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Tax return press release disguised as news

Basingstoke Gazette: Increasingly unlikely train of events could mean you get fined for sending in your tax return late

And the next day:

Basingstoke Gazette: Same company warns of complex new rules for shared parental leave

I, for one, cannot wait for the next installment.