A bit windy out dullness

Hull Daily Mail: Wind causes CHAOS in Hull

The horror, the horror. Trying to light a candle for those hit by this disaster, but it's too damn windy.

Spotter's Badge: L0wey

Council enters 20th Century dullness

Henley Standard: Council experiments with new-fangled 'tape recorders'

They've got a member who thinks the gays cause floods, so let's see how this meddling with Satan's work pans out, eh?

Furtive man dullness

Malvern Gazette: Man stops car for a wee, police called

Thank heavens he didn't want a number two, there would have been a whole (s)hit squad turning up

Spotter's Badge: Sarah

Jupiter dullness and/or amazing scientific discovery

Brighton Argus: Astronomers capture this amazing view of Jupiter

I know what you're thinking: They've got camper vans and sensible estate cars on Jupiter. Wow.

Woman with no head dullness

Crawley News: Ronseal

Spotter's Badge: Skuds

Porcine press released disguised as news

Leamingston Courier: Local company launches pig vaccine

This is good news. I'm always being afflicted by an attack of the pigs.

Spotter's Badge: Rob

Swansea dullness

South Wales Evening Post: Business people get together at football ground, eye each other's free tat suspiciously

Or as our spotter says: Thirty-two pictures detailing the futility of existence

Spotter's Badge: Paul

Furry friend dullness

Dorset Echo: There's nothing in the world quite like the sweet, sweet love of a grown man for his squirrel

Damn, I hope I'm looking that good at 67.

UFO dullness

Lancashire Telegraph: UFOs over Pendle Hill reported to police

"However when officers looked to the sky nothing could be seen."

But THE MAN would say that, wouldn't he?

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Very minor road accident dullness

Reading Post: No-one hurt in Friar Street collision

I've stretched all my local knowledge, and can confirm that the photo is indeed a very small patch of Friar Street, photographed at the exact moment the lensman was checking his flies while walking back toward the Reading Post editorial offices.

Shopping Centre Dullness

Blackpool Gazette: New shop opens in Blackpool

<sarcasm> I'm ever so pleased for them. If there's one thing Blackpool lacks, it's shops </sarcasm>

UFO Question To Which The Answer Is NO

Derby Telegraph: Have you seen this UFO hovering over Derby?

No.

Big Cat dullness

Wakefield Express: 'Big cat' spotted in Wakefield

Or, as sensible people would call it: "A cat".

Fish and chip weirdness

Halesowen News: Woman sets up tent outside fish and chip shop

You will not be surprised to learn that alcohol was a factor.

Spotter's Badge: Tim

One Direction dullness

Northampton Chronicle: One Direction's drummer to pick up his new car from... NORTHAMPTON!

I didn't even know they had a drummer.

Spotter's Badge: Rob

Cheese dullness

Northampton Chronicle: Free cheese sandwiches

"Save the cheese sandwich", the press bumpf says. Oh dear.

Spotter's Badge: Rob

Potato dullness

Hebden Bridge Times: It's potato day!

Is it me, or does Potato Day come earlier every year?

Spotter's Badge: Akron Morfenstein

Dalek dullness

Mansfield Chad: Man makes Dalek out of a compost bin

The Davros of the English midlands at work, there

Spotter's Badge: Ian

Bollards dullness

Dorset Echo: Councillor worried about bollards

Don't we all.

It's all kicking off in... Brighton

Brighton Argus: Small boy gets his head stuck in toilet seat

Anywhere else in the country, it's a 999 call. In Brighton, it's an art installation.

Taxi rank dullness

Brighton Argus: Volvo driver confuses taxi rank for queue for traffic lights

...with HILARIOUS results

ZOMBIE OUTBREAK dullness

Llanelli Star: Night of the Living Dead happens in South Wales

...nobody notices

Spotter's Badge: Rob J

Law dullness

Leamington Courier: Law specialists team up

Hardly Batman and Robin, is it? (Unless you are secretly Batman and Robin, then your secret's safe with me. Least said and all that)

Spotter's Badge: Rob

Goal post dullness

Reading Post: Vandals (oh-ho!) move the goalposts

Well done, the Reading Post pun-writing department

Pretty calf dullness

Tivy-Side Advertiser: Name wanted for pretty calf

Phwooar, what a stunner.

Holy Question to Which the Answer is NO

Cambridge News: Did Mary and Joseph appear on a school fence?

No. Idiot.

Spotter's Badge: Kate

Dung sale dullness

Falmouth Packet: Awww, crap - we missed the annual charity horse poo sale

Five bags of poo for a fiver, think of the kiddiewinks

Train delay dullness

Portsmouth News: Kitchen sink on the line

Services to - oh-ho! - BATH are cancelled.

Spotter's Badge: Jonathan

Opening hours dullness

Falmouth Packet: Helston Town council offices now open on Wednesdays

Excellent news.

Bolton weirdness

Bolton News: Man carries box on his head

Oh, well played sir.

Spotter's Badge: Andy

Supermarket dullness

Watford Observer: Watford Morrisons gets contactless payment

Cambridge News: Royston Morrisons gets contactless payment

...and a billion other stories from local papers up and down the country.

Treasure those extra ten seconds you have. Visit six times and collect a whole minute.

Spotter's Badge: TRT, Kate

Property industry press release disguised as news

Leamington Courier: Companies aim to revolutionise property industry

WARNING: Contains the words "unique selling point"

Spotter's Badge: Rob R

Milky dullness

Fleet News and Mail: Library hosts an exhibition on the history of milk production and deliveries in the Fleet area

I went. It was as exciting as it sounds.

Loud bang dullness

Bath Chronicle: Loud bangs heard in Bath

And not to be outdone...

Bournemouth Echo: Loud bangs heard in Bournemouth

Have you heard any loud bangs during the night? Call your local paper.

Spotter's Badge: Robert

Cloud dullness

Bucks Free Press: Man takes photo of cloud

Yes, it's an arse.