Sperm whale desperate local angle

Get Reading: Sperm whales which made national headlines after being found dead on beach TO BE BURIED IN DIDCOT

Who says there's nothing left in Didcot after they demolished the power station?

Frank Bruno holiday home dullness

Kent Online: Big Frank buys a caravan on the Isle of Sheppey

I went to Sheppey once. This is what I found.

Spotter's Badge: Neil, Me

David Beckham Question to which the answer is YES

Oxford Mail: Is this David Beckham outside a chip shop in Oxford?

Yes. Yes it is.

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Big Cat Question To Which The Answer Is NO

York Press: Is there a big cat on the loose in North Yorkshire?

No.

Spotter's Badge: Joe

New doors dullness

Ilkley Gazette: Opening ceremony for new automatic doors at community centre

Possibly the most exciting thing to have happened in Ilkley since that song about going out on the moors without a hat.

Spotter's Badge: Mark

Giant bear dullness

Ipswich Star: Giant bear attacks Ipswich

If only.

Spotter's Badge: Dave

Amir Khan's bedroom press release disguised as news

Bolton News: As you can see, boxer Amir Khan has had his bedroom tastefully redecorated

And the news item is a 400-word advert for the decorators. He says he's going to do a TOWIE next, which will be nice.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Farming Today dullness

Biggleswade Today: Why we've stopped buying Farming Today, except for the Christmas edition

By far the dullness newspaper column you will ever read, and dammit I've read a few.

Spotter's Badge: Thomas

Grumpy dads press release disguised as news

Loughborough Echo: Here is a list of things that make local dads grumpy

Reading press releases in local newspaper reports strangely not mentioned.

Spotter's Badge: Jon S

Temporary pothole repair dullness

Kenilworth Weekly News: Temporary repair for local pothole

And by temporary, they mean they've used chewing gum and unsold copies of 'Zoo' magazine

Spotter's Badge: Rob R

Black pudding dullness

Bury Times: Footballers eat black pudding

This story features another of those world-changing newspaper polls

 World. Changed.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Stuck train dullness and also Arsenal dullness

Watford Observer: Train stuck in a tunnel

Can you imagine those poor people stuck without a phone signal. For three hours.

Spotter's Badge: Pete

Meanwhile...

Watford Observer: Footballers travel by train

Don't ever do it again, Arsenal. Y'hear?

Spotter's Badge: TRT

Peter Andre archive dullness

Get Reading: Pete once visited Reading in the 1990s

He was so poor back then, he was forced to arm-wrestle for money while wearing a bin bag.

Derbyshire Times: Pete once visited Chesterfield

As this picture proves, he only had a 50% approval rating

Coronation Street dullness

Manchester Evening News: Manchester local newspaper appears in Manchester-based TV programme

What next? The Walford Gazette?

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Doing the lottery dullness

Oxford Times: Supermarket workers from Botley have a go on the lottery

Pretty sure they didn't win. We would have read about it in the all-action Oxford Times

Spotter's Badge: Richard

Poundland dullness

Essex Echo: Queues as new branch of Poundland opens

Poundland AND a Greggs. Oh, Canvey.

Lauren Branning out of EastEnders dullness

Kent Online: Actress from popular continuing drama spotted in Sheerness

One presumes she has since escaped with her life.

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Tree rescue dullness

Brighton Argus: Boy rescued from tree

He immediatedly returned to his home in the 1950s, and got his head stuck in a saucepan

Missing lights dullness

Nuneaton News: Missing lights mystery solved

Spoiler: They're not missing

Spotter's Badge: Rob R

Driftwood dullness

South Wales Evening Post: Large piece of driftwood washes up on beach

Or as experts call it: A "tree".

Spotter's Badge: Steve

No flooding dullness

Farnborough News and Mail: No flooding in Farnborough

However, Godzilla attack in Frimley (not pictured).

Spotter's Badge: Christina

Spicy chicken dullness

Warwick Courier: Nando's in Leamington allowed to keep its outdoor seating until 9pm

THIS. CHANGES. EVERYTHING.

Spotter's Badge: Rob R

Golf club development dullness

Eastern Daily Press: Nobody actually interested in Royal Norwich Golf Club development project

I understand there'll be a ten-minute section about the scheme on North Norfolk Digital's 'Mid-Morning Matters' show, if that helps.

Spotter's Badge: Steven

Catering dullness

Leicester Mercury: Catering company to feed another company

"The emphasis is on fresh, seasonal food cooked by skilled chefs."

That's where my rotten, out-of-season, unskilled catering company is going wrong.

Celebrity barbershop dullness

Northern Echo: Somebody who used to be on Big Brother opens a barber shop in Darlington

Lucky old Darlo.

Property auction press release disguised as news

Northampton Chronicle: Auction company sells lots of things at auction

The third paragraph may as well have been written in Klingon for all I know.

Spotter's Badge: Mike

Dance class press release disguised as news

Warwick Today: Dance teacher allowed to run dance classes thought up by celebrity dancer

In summary: dancing.

Spotter's Badge: Rob R

Celebrity eats food dullness

Swindon Advertiser: Swindon celebrity eats out in Swindon

Husband is the very picture of "look, just clear off".

Spotter's Badge: David

Peter Andre hardresser dullness

This is The West Country: Pete gets his hair cut

No mention whether he loves his kids or not. Presuming he still does, because Pete loves his kids.

Spotter's Badge: Rob J

Penzance desperate local angle on a global story

The Cornishman: What would happen if North Korea dropped a hydrogen bomb on Penzance?

Answer: Nobody would notice.

Hull's greatest movie moment dullness

Hull Daily Mail: A calendar from Hull once appeared in a James Bond film

Surely the dullest piece of movie trivia ever.

Spotter's Badge: Stuart

Jason Donovan slimming dullness

Chester Chronicle: Jason Donovan meets Chester Slimming World consultants

Liverpool Echo: Jason Donovan meets Widnes Slimming World consultants

Banbury Guardian: Jason Donovan meets Banbury Slimming World consultants

Bedford Today: Jason Donovan meets Bedford Slimming World consultants

Worcester News: Jason Donovan meets Worcester Slimming World consultants

Prestwich and Whitefield Guide: Jason Donovan meets Prestwich Slimming World consultants

Stourbridge News: Jason Donovan meets Stourbridge Slimming World consultants

Last year it was Peter Andre. Heaven knows where Pete is this time around, probably double-booked loving his kids. He loves his kids.

Spotter's Badge: Tim 

Forgot what day it is dullness

Gloucestershire Echo: Today is Saturday

It's Monday now, which just goes to show that one day's news is the next day's chip wrapper.

Spotter's Badge: Sean

Beatles tribute dullness

Bolton News: Festive tribute to The Beatles

All good, except there are five of you, and you're in Bolton.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Standing in a queue dullness

Gloucestershire Echo: A picture gallery featuring 23 photos of people standing in queues in the Gloucestershire area

It doesn't get more British than this.

Spotter's Badge: Sean

Wallpaper dullness

Get Surrey: Do you know anything about our mystery wallpaper?

Yes. It's "ceilingpaper"

Spotter's Badge: Christina