Stuck up a tree dullness

Salisbury Journal: Man won't come down from tree

They've fenced him off and left him there.

Spotter's Badge: Shock and Laur

Storm Frank dullness

Plymouth Herald: Storm Frank causes chaos* in Plymouth

*Blows wendy house over

Lighting a candle for the poor people of Plymouth in their hour of need.

Spotter's Badge: Marjorie

Ricky Gervais dullness

Watford Observer: Ricky Gervais spotted in Watford

Watford, eh? Slough not good enough for him?

Spotter's Badge: TRT

Damaged bench dullness

Derbyshire Times: 'CRIME' stock graphic wheeled out as bench damaged in Chesterfield

That's saying "Yeah, it's a story, but not worth sending someone out with a camera"

Spotter's Badge: Kerry

Nasty smell dullness

Eastern Daily Press: Building evacuated due to nasty smell

I didn't do it.

Spotter's Badge: Dave

Second class stamp dullness

Littlehampton Gazette: Is there a second class stamp shortage in Sussex?

The correct answer is "who cares"

Spotter's Badge: Richard

Determined rail enthusiast dullness

Bolton News: Man gets up stupidly early so he can be the first paying passenger through new tunnel

...all described in eye-watering detail, right down to the completely nonplussed reaction of the driver. A masterpiece of dull news.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Disabled parking bays dullness

Henley Standard: Henley could get two new disabled parking bays

What the hell are you doing here? Christmas so dull that you're looking at dull news? I scheduled this post over a week ago, and am now face down in my own vomit.

Happy Christmas.

Selfie dullness

Lancashire Telegraph: Man takes 200 selfies a week

TIP: Try facing the camera the other way.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Biggins socks dullness

Nottingham Post: Biggins judges festive sock competition

Poor Biggins. The things you have to do to shift panto tickets.

Dull bread dullness

Hackney Gazette: Bread has an image problem, bread conference hears

If only One Direction would eat bread, them bread's problems will be solved. Bread.

Spotter's Badge: Kevin

Travelodge press release disguised as news

Hull Daily Mail: Hull Travelodge staff describe strange customer requests

Yorkshire Post: Harrogate Travelodge staff describe strange customer requests

Eastern Daily Press: Norwich Travelodge staff describe strange customer requests

Halifax Courier: Halifax Travelodge staff describe strange customer requests

Gloucestershire Echo: Cheltenham and Gloucester Travelodge staff describe strange customer requests

Glasgow Evening Times: Glasgow Travelodge staff describe strange customer requests

Isle of Wight County Press: Ryde Travelodge staff describe strange customer requests

Aberdeen Press and Journal: Aberdeen Travelodge staff describe strange customer requests

...plus a million other local papers carrying the same story. Well played Travelodge Press Office, well played.

Stuck lorry dullness

Salisbury Journal: Lorry stuck under low bridge

This story contains the dullest ten seconds of news video you are ever likely to see in your life.

Spotter's Badge: Shock and Laur

Christmas tree dullness

Falmouth Packet: Is this the biggest school Christmas tree in the Falmouth area?

Who knows? WHO EVEN KNOWS.

Morrisons mistletoe press release disguised as news

The Morrisons supermarket PR department has done it again. Just Google "to get the town kissing" and you get the message...

Swindon Advertiser: Morrisons in Swindon gives out free mistletoe to get the town kissing

Southport Visitor: Morrisons in Ormskirk gives out free mistletoe to get the town kissing

St Helens Star: Morrisons in St Helens gives out free mistletoe to get the town kissing

Kidderminster Shuttle: Morrisons in Kidderminster gives out free mistletoe to get the town kissing

Somerset County Gazette: Morrisons in Taunton gives out free mistletoe to get the town kissing

Wirral Globe: Morrisons in West Kirby gives out free mistletoe to get the town kissing

...etc etc etc and a million other stories. 

Quiz league dullness

Oxford Mail: Eye-wateringly dull 623-word blow-by-blow round-up from the Oxford Pubs quiz league

Warning: This may sap your will to live.

Dull weather dullness

Reading Chronicle: November officially the dullest month ever, say academics

A dull November in Reading. Those poor people.

Spotter's Badge: Steve

Struggling with basic human concepts dullness

Dear the Derby Telegraph, Why oh why oh why are women taking over everywhere?

Quite easily the dullest - and strangest - letter I've seen published by a local newspaper for quite some time.

Here's the whole thing, in case it disappears from the internet:

"I notice that more and more in life, and in fiction, there seem to be more women in the church taking the place of the vicar. 

This is also happening on allotments, with more women taking on allotments than men. Why? I do not have the answer."

Deep stuff.

Coffee and milkshakes dullness

Northampton Chronicle: Restaurant now serving coffee and milkshakes

"We are trying to do drinks that you can’t get elsewhere in Kettering" 

YOU CAN'T GET COFFEE ANYWHERE ELSE IN KETTERING

Spotter's Badge: Mike

Sheep dullness

Redditch Advertiser: Sheep stolen

I think I saw them at a car boot sale.

Narrow boat dullness

Worcester News: Narrow boat runs amok in Worcester

This is what Speed would have looked like if filmed in the English Midlands.

Spotter's Badge: Tim

Stuck on lamp post dullness

South Wales Argus: Man gets legs stuck on lamp post

While I can only congratulate the extra mile gone to track down the exact lamp post on Street View, this story lacks a vital ingredient: How the **** did he get stuck in the first place?

Chess dullness

Worcester News: School holds chess congress

As a veteran of several school chess congresses, I can confirm that this is about as dull as news gets.

Arm stuck in letterbox dullness

Bournemouth Echo: Man gets arm stuck in letterbox

Photo is handily captioned "File image", just in case readers thought that might be the actual letterbox in question.

Hits the fan dullness

Eastern Daily Press: Manure tipped over the A11 in tractor accident

Norfolk, everybody.

Spotter's Badge: Dave

Pizza restaurant dullness

Stoke Sentinel: Pizza Express to open in Stoke on Trent

This news is so important, even the local MP is excited.

Renegade 'For Sale' sign dullness

Clitheroe Advertisers: Fire fighters called to deal with 'dangerous' For Sale sign

It's a joke I often use on these pages, but I'm told by our spotter this genuinely IS the most exciting thing ever to have happened in Clitheroe since the shock when discovered the world "clit" in their name.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Take Me Out Dullness

Bolton News: Local celebrity poses with local paper

That Jimmy Choo bloke gets everywhere

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Shoddy road markings dullness

Aldershot News and Mail: Just look at the state of that

This counts as interesting in Aldershot, there are crowds there RIGHT NOW.

Plane dullness

Kent Online: Man takes photo of vapour trail

Nice*

* Lie

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Recycling centre opening times dullness

Wymondham and Attleborough Mercury: We all remember where we were the day Ashill recycling centre opened two hours late

I remember only too well. I was nowhere near Ashill and not giving a shit.

Spotter's Badge: Dave

Giant sprouts press release disguised as news

Congratulations to the press team at Morrisons supermarket who prove they are the best in the world at hitting the target with a press release:

Northampton Chronicle: Giant sprouts coming to a supermarket near you

One MK: Giant sprouts coming to a supermarket near you

Worthing Herald: Giant sprouts coming to a supermarket near you

Portsmouth News: Giant sprouts coming to a supermarket near you

Falkirk Herald: Giant sprouts coming to a supermarket near you

Skegness Standard: Giant sprouts coming to a supermarket near you

Falmouth Packet: Giant sprouts coming to a supermarket near you

And a Google search implores me to "Explore 76 more articles". Well played, Morrisons. Well played.

Spotter's Badge: Mike

Your online source of dull Peter Andre news

Bexley News Shopper: Pete spotted filming in Sidcup, loves his kids

It's safe now. He's gone.

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Even more Peter Andre dullness

Shropshire Star: Pete turns on Christmas lights, loves his kids

They spelled "TWAT" wrong.

BEWARE: Story contains a gallery featuring a brain-freezing 19 photographs from Telford's highlight of the year.

Bus dullness

Lancashire Telegraph: Bus breaks down

As you can see, it's caused CHAOS

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Dave Benson Phillips dullness

Worthing Herald: CBeebies star apologises for scaring kids with balloon

Apology accepted, now get out there and make balloon animals like you've never done before.

Spotter's Badge: Richard

Star Wars dullness

Bolton News: Fans dress up as popular characters to Star Wars video game in released in the middle of the night

Popular characters? Star Wars is a vampire movie now?

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Stuck knee dullness

Newbury Weekly News: Woman gets knee stuck in railings

Ah alcohol, is there nothing you can't do?

Producer-puncher dullness

Bath Chronicle: Has Jeremy Clarkson been seen in Bath?

I know the answer to this one! "Who gives a shit?"

Christmas Tree dullness

Llanelli Star: Christmas tree is somewhat smaller than expected

And here they come - the rubbish Christmas tree stories.

East Anglia animal dullness double bill

East Anglia Daily Times: Rubbish squirrel stuck up telegraph pole

East Anglia Daily Times: Kitten gets stuck

Animals: RUBBISH.

Spotter's Badge: Dave

Asda Christmas advert dullness

Watford Observer: Watford nightclub appears in advert

Think about it: A night out in Watford. Party.

Spotter's Badge: TRT

Grass cutting dullness

Eastern Daily Press: Norfolk on the verge of decision on cutting of roadside grass

Verge. Verge. GEDDIT?!?!

Pound shop dullness

Oxford Mail: Girl, 11, is first customer in new Poundland

Something to tell your grandkids.

Christmas Dullness

Hull Daily Mail: Family put their Christmas decorations up early

Well done. Now get dressed.

Mushroom dullness

Thornbury Gazette: Interesting mushroom found

I'll be the judge of that.

Spotter's Badge: Sarah

Estate agent dullness

Ham and High: Belsize born and bred, this NW3 agent knows how much the area has to offer

Which is basically "very expensive houses"

Spotter's Badge: Gaz

House party dullness

Warrington Guardian: PCSOs break up party, confiscate booze

By the look of things, they busted a right stormer.