Hospital bus shelter dullness

Colchester Gazette: Bus shelter installed at Colchester General Hospital

Don't get your hopes up - it's for private patients only. NHS waits in the rain.

Spotter's Badge: Alice

Wedding selfie dullness

Lancashire Telegraph: Couple take a selfie during their wedding

We hope you are going somewhere near the coast for your honeymoon. So you can GET IN THE SEA.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Dead shark dullness

Kent Online: Dead shark found on Sheerness beach

Is it behind that crowd of schoolgirls?

Oh.

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Yellow bird dullness

Bexley News Shopper: Man takes photo of yellow bird, can now die happy

In the words of Oscar Wilde:

A yellow bird
With a yellow bill
Landed on
My windowsill.
So I lured it in
With a piece of glass
And then I kicked it
In the arse. 

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Pizza poll dullness

Reading Post: Berkshire's favourite pizza revealed

I'll give you a hint - it is a blasphemy among pizzas, and that is why Berkshire must be destroyed.

Ladies' meeting dullness

Dorset Echo: Meeting for ladies

Ladies, we understand, are welcome.

Shopping parade dullness

Portsmouth News: Shopping parade celebrates 60 years with invitation for people to share their memories

"Remember that time we popped out for a pint of milk in 1973 and it was half-day closing?"

Spotter's Badge: Jonathan

Massive potato dullness

Leicester Mercury: Woman's giant spud looks just like her head

Well done. Now sell it to Gary Lineker

Spotter's Badge: Jon S

Golden Arches dullness

Hartlepool Mail: Nothing taken in McDonald's break-in

But we'll have to wait for a full audit on the ketchup sachets until we can be 100% certain.

Spotter's Badge: Andrew

Shopping centre dullness

Lancashire Telegraph: Shoppers evacuated from mall

Yes, it's called a "fire drill"

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Primark dullness

Harwich and Manningtree Standard: Primark set to open early

Call the cops!

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Bristol dullness

Bristol 24/7: Local journo goes for a walk, finds some goat poo

I went for a walk the other day, found a sock. In fifty years time, I'll take it on Antiques Roadshow, where I'll be told it is "possibly one of a pair".

Ant dullness

Boston Standard: Some interesting facts about ants

The Boston Standard appear to have employed Peter Cook's fabulously dull E L Wisty character as a columnist

Feline desperate local angle

Watford Observer: Local cats in new Pets at Home advert

Yeah, and my car was in a Specsavers advert. BEAT THAT.

Spotter's Badge: TRT

New job dullness

Leamingston Spa Courier: Woman gets new job

Wills and probate executive. That's just a couple of job steps away from the holy grail: Lion tamer

Spotter's Badge: Rob R

Fish murderer dullness

York Press: What's killing our fish?

SPOILER: It's Dame Judi Dench

Spotter's Badge: Sarah

Gary Barlow on holiday dullness

Dorset Echo: Gary Barlow is in Dorset

Everybody's got to be somewhere.

Farm theft dullness

Dorset Echo: Muck spreader stolen

Shit just got real.

Not actually Kate Middleton dullness

Exeter Express and Echo: Somebody called Kate Middleton gets her exam results

This will be the one and only dull news item we ever have about school exam results.They didn't even have any photos of teenagers jumping into the air clutching pieces of paper, as the law demands. Poor show.

Spotter's Badge: Mike

Accountancy firm press release disguised as news

Eastern Daily Press: Accountancy firm rebrands, gets new senior partner

A masterclass in dull accountancy news.

Spotter's Badge: Dave

Adult colouring books dullness

Nottingham Post: Stop it. Stop it now

This is the worst craze ever, even worse than deeley-boppers.

Spotter's Badge: Jon

Stuck child dullness

The West Briton: Child gets foot stuck down drain cover

Good news: He's still there!

Sock dispute dullness

Bexhill Observer: Hospital has uniform code for nurses

...which has currently caught out this many nurses: No nurses.

Spotter's Badge: Paul

Rubbish hackers dullness

The West Briton: Kosovan hackers take down Falmouth Town Council's website

BLAM. Anarchy.

Home improvements press release disguised as news

Northampton Chronicle: Northamptonshire residents are the most house proud and home-improvement obsessed in the UK, says press released aimed at Northampton local press

Well, fancy that.

Spotter's Badge: Mike

Henley-on-Thames: A town in CRISIS

Henley Standard: Loose guttering needs fixing, says area man

Henley Standard: Damaged benches replaced, but there is now a 50% reduction in benches

Henley Standard: Manhole cover broken

Henley Standard: Local sports field gets new sign and blackboard, which nobody - NOBODY - will ever use to draw crude penis art

We look forward to the crude penis art.

Stolen bike dullness

Dorset Echo: Bicycle stolen

I've added a picture of no bikes, just in case you had no idea what no bikes might look like.

Spotter's Badge: Debster

Riots on the streets of Henley dullness

Henley Standard: Wheelbarrow kicked over

They'll certainly think twice before parking their wheelbarrow on double yellows again.

Peter Andre tattoo dullness

South Wales Evening Post: Woman gets Pete's autograph tattooed on her arm

#TEAMKATIE

Big trainers dullness

Lancashire Telegraph: Size 18 shoes donated to charity shop

You know what they say about men with big shoes? 99% certainty of big feet. The other 1% have a big feet fetish.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Topman dullness

Gazette Live: Middlesbrough's Topman and Topshop now trading on the same floor

How the mighty have fallen. They've never recovered from the introduction of high-end fashion retailers Sports Direct.

Spotter's Badge: Don

Potato dullness

Nottingham Post: Man astounds city of Nottingham with his potato shaped like a heart

Rather fewer people interested with his carrot shaped like a willy.

Meanwhile:

Kent Online: Potato allegedly shaped like a whale

No it isn't.

Spotter's Badge: Jon

Coke can dullness

Get Reading: Girl gets finger stuck in coke can

The picture is there as a prediction of her future.

Fishy dullness

Dorset Echo: Simple island folk celebrate opening of Britian's first lumpfish hatchery

FACT: Any story about Portland has to BY LAW start with the words "Simple island folk"

Update: I have learned (see the comments) that Swansea City midfielder Gylfi Sigurdsson owns a lumpfish business.This must rank as the most WTF piece of football trivia of all time.